


My Worst Nightmare

by BooBear411



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Anxiety, Betrayal, Bottom Louis, Depression, Flashbacks, Friends to Enemies to Lovers, M/M, Recreational Drug Use, Regret, Sad Louis, Slow Burn, Smut, Top Harry, mean harry but he gets nicer....eventually, zayn forcing louis to do shit he doesn't want to
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-04
Updated: 2019-06-03
Packaged: 2019-07-07 00:49:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 22,249
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15897522
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BooBear411/pseuds/BooBear411
Summary: “Louis, you can’t do anything when no one even notices you. You're the biggest loser in here." Harry says, lowly. "Clearly you've forgotten how unimportant you are, especially to me.” Louis' face falls, and he bites his bottom lip to stop the tears that might spring to his eyes. Harry laughs in a wicked tone, letting go of Louis’ wrist, and slams the washroom door in his face. Louis can still hear Harry's loud laughter behind the washroom door.*Louis' been in love with the same boy his whole life. Unfortunately, said boy hates Louis' guts and wants nothing to do with him.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, this is my first fic. I've had this idea in my head for a while and decided to write it down, so I hope you like what I have so far. 
> 
> Feel free to leave any comments of advice or suggestions! and should I continue this fic?  
> Thank you for reading xx

The music is pounding loudly in Louis’ ear as he tries to scrub his pants clean after two drinks spilled on him, all in the span of one minute. He knew he should not have came tonight. He knew not to open the door when Zayn came knocking at 10 pm. Forgive him for thinking Zayn wanted to hang out with him, enjoying each other’s company, instead he came over to take him to a mates  party. Louis could have been at home right about now binge watching netflix and stuffing his face with food he would regret eating the next day, but no, he's stuck in a house filled with people he does not know, or like, and has sticky pants rubbing against his skin. He hates parties, always have, and always will, especially the parties filled with stupid drunk frat boys who all happen to be assholes (except Liam bless his soul). Fuck Zayn for dragging him here. Louis searches for a bathroom, pushing through a throng of people that includes a couple who is a one move away from fucking on the floor. After pushing through the also crowded hallway, and walking in on things he really did not need to see, he finds the washroom on the second floor.

He knocks twice, to make sure he won't walk in on anyone, and hears no response. Thank God, it's empty. He closes the door swiftly after entering, before any of those party go-ers get any crazy ideas, and releases a sigh of relief. The bathroom door keeps vibrating from the too loud music, and the lock is a little wonky, so all Louis can do now is hope no one walks in on him. Again. Fuck Zayn because now he’s stuck in this disgusting washroom, smelling like tequila, and looking ridiculous. He honestly looks disgusting. Zayn had helped him find an outfit before the party, tight black jeans, and his favourite white v-neck, which now has a stain on it that more than likely will never come out. Louis is going to kill Zayn for abandoning him, especially at a time when he needed him.

"Fuck." Louis whispers to the empty room. 

Can tonight can get any worse?

Louis turns on the faucet to rinse his hands, and to wash off the stickiness and smell of the alcohol that spilled all over him.  Cleaning off himself, in a small stingy washroom, is harder than he originally thought, and the only way to navigate through this problem is by stripping himself to his boxers. Using a wet paper towel, Louis cleans off his legs, paying most attention to his thighs that got most of the attack. He’s in the middle of cleaning off his stomach when the door smashes open, causing him to spray water all over himself, and creating a bigger mess of himself than before. Just fucking great.

A familiar laughter rings out through the air and won't stop going. A sinking feeling emerges in his stomach, as he feels all the heat rise to his cheeks, because he knows that laugh all too well. That laughter used to be shared with him rather than directed at him. This cannot be happening.  Louis turns slowly the door, already knowing who he is going to see, and clenches his jaw tightly. Apparently, tonight can get worse because of course Harry Styles decided to walk in when he’s only in his boxers and looking like an utter fool. How did he forget Harry was even into the party scene, that's all he ever did in high school, and he's fucking friends with majority of the people here. How did Louis miss that?  He can already hear the insults that are going to be thrown his way, and braces himself for the blow that will hurt him regardless of how many times he has tried to ignore them. 

Harry does not look surprised, not even a little bit, about finding Louis in the washroom. Instead, he looks bored, uninterested, and pissed all at once. And for some reason that hurts Louis. He can barely recognize him anymore. Harry’s stance in the door frame emits charm and cockiness, and his outfit tonight blends in with the crowd downstairs. He’s wearing a red flannel, with the buttons undone, and revealing his glorious abs and stray of tattoo’s that are often covered. And in Harry Styles' fashion, his famous black skinny jeans that is known to leave nothing to the imagination. He changed so much. 

Harry, who clearly has no shame and is making no move to shut back the washroom door, just stares Louis up and down with disgust written on his face. Ouch, another reminder of how much Harry hates him.

Louis opens his mouth to ask Harry to leave, but his words die in his throat when a smirk appears on Harry’s face.

 _“Lewis.”_ He hates him. _“_ Who gave you permission to come here tonight? The library trying to get rid of you too?” Harry says, in a demonizing tone.

He probably expects Louis to argue back and say some witty response, that's how it usually is between the two of them, but he’s not in the mood tonight. He just wants to leave and be in the comfort of his own home with his tv, tea, and millions of books (and where no one will remind him how unliked or boring he is).

Louis sighs, not wanting to feed into Harry's behaviour tonight.  

“I’m leaving now, can you just give me sec to get dressed. Alone?” He whispers the last part in a pleading tone.

Harry makes no move to leave and continues his bored stare at Louis.

“Please, Harry.” Louis pleads.

“I’m not moving. First, you’re in one of my mates’ home, wasting his toilet paper, and now you’re making demands?" Harry scoffs, "As if I give a shit about looking at your body. Hurry the fuck up.” He slams the door in the process of his exit, but at least he left the washroom. Louis still gets self-conscious about his body, a fact harry knows, so he doesn't want any one seeing his body for longer than necessary. 

"Thank you." Louis says sarcastically and loudly for Harry to hear outside of the door. 

Louis shakes his head sadly because, fuck, Harry still has a habit of making his blood boil. After all these years, it pisses off Louis how Harry still chooses to treat him like shit, and it pisses Louis off that Harry's words still effect him. He's too old to make this stuff bother him. But he can’t help himself. Harry and him have a lot of history that can’t be erased. He knows Harry is standing outside the door right now and counting down the seconds to burst back in the washroom, so Louis hastily pulls up his pants, that are basically dried, and puts back on his stained-ridden shirt. He does a quick mirror check, and sees that he looks a little better, but in his opinion he still looks shitty compared to the others at the party. He rinses his face with cold water to get rid of his nerves and his blotchy skin.

Louis is correct because Harry opens the bathroom door the same time Louis is about to walk out.

“Don’t worry, I’m leaving now." He says, while pushing past Harry to leave the washroom. "I’m not here to ruin your mood or cause a scene. I know you have a reputation to protect and all that other shit.”

Harry grabs his wrist, stopping Louis right in his tracks. Louis looks at him confusedly, wondering what more could Harry want from him tonight. He sees that signature smirk appear back on Harry’s face, not the one he uses to pull, but the one only directed at Louis, meaning another insult is coming his way.

“Louis, you can’t do anything when no one even notices you. You're the biggest loser in here." Harry says, lowly. "Clearly you've forgotten how unimportant you are, especially to me.” Louis' face falls, and he bites his bottom lip to stop the tears that might spring to his eyes. Harry laughs in a wicked tone, letting go of Louis’ wrist, and slams the washroom door in his face. Louis can still hear Harry's loud laughter behind the washroom door.

Louis stands there for a minute or two letting Harry’s words sink in, ignoring the truth they hold, and trying not to be affected by them. But deep down he knows Harry’s right, no one in this party gives a shit about him except for Zayn, yet even Zayn didn’t care enough to hang out with him the whole night.

Louis makes his way down the stairs, in a quest to find Zayn, since he is their ride him. The party seems even more crowded than it was before, if that is even possible. He can’t see anything over the smoke filled living room, in between the people dancing and screaming, and the couples who keep making out obnoxiously in every corner. It’s bloody 1 am in the morning, yet these people are acting like the party just started. He needs to get the fuck out of here before another drink spills on him.

He spends a very long time searching for Zayn, checking bedrooms, kitchen and living room, and still nothing. He's really hoping Zayn didn't leave him here. The last place he thinks Zayn can be is outside, and hopefully he’s waiting for Louis so they can leave. He makes his way outside, heading to the directions of Zayn’s car, when he notices two people in Zayn’s car in a very heated make-out session. Of fucking course. He can tell by the way they are going at it that Zayn won’t be leaving for a while, so the only option left is walking home. By himself. In the cold November air. Fuck Zayn, he knew he should have worn a thicker jacket.

The party is only a 15 minute walk away from his flat and with a brisk walk Louis can be home in 10 minutes. Louis begins his journey home, but his thoughts remain on what Harry said in the party. They are in college now, and after all these years Harry still has a hold on Louis. But what else can he expect when him and Harry practically grew up as brothers before sophomore year.

Harry and Louis knew each other since they were 4 years old, when Harry moved next door to his. Surprisingly, their mums were best friends in high school, and Jay was more than thrilled when she found out Anne had moved in the area. Louis and Harry clicked immediately, spending every waking moment together, and never leaving each others sides. Wherever Louis was Harry was right beside him and vise versa. Harry was the little brother Louis always wished for, before Ernest came obviously. Louis’ childhood is filled with memories of sleepovers, play fighting, video games, and more specifically, memories he’s been trying to suppress since 14.

They were the dorky best friends in middle school who would trade books with each other, have secret handshakes, and never let anyone sit with them without agreeing with each other. They adored each other. High school was a different story. During Freshman year, Louis and Harry were still close friends, but Harry’s charm made him get along with the jocks of the school, while Louis quickly befriended the school’s mysterious stoner: Zayn. They still made time for each other, but it  began to feel different and distant between them. Their connection was fading. Harry started avoiding their sleep overs and making excuses when his mum asked him to stay for dinner. The only time they spent time with each other was after school when Harry would play video games with him before his cool older friends came to pick him. Anne didn't approve of them, so Louis became the perfect alibi for Harry, since Anne trusted Louis. They were still best friends of course...just not in the same way. Louis would even hang out with Harry’s other friends sometimes, but the only ones he got along with was the loud Irish guy who told the funniest jokes and Nick who spent most of his time bantering or flirting with Louis. After a while, Harry stopped inviting Louis once he noticed how awkward he acted around them, and that further decreased the amount of time they spent together. 

Sophomore year was a different story, since that was the year Harry became one of the most popular guys in the school. Puberty hit Harry hard and fast that summer, and made him the hottest guy in the whole school. His body became lean and muscular, he grew taller than both their families expected, and his wardrobe changed with him swapping his baggy jeans for tight skinny jeans, and shirts that actually fit him. Louis always knew Harry was extremely attractive, but after that everyone in the school was aware of it too. Everything about Harry changed that year. He was no longer the sweet kid who loved everyone with his whole heart, but rather the massive flirt, playboy, and fuck boy who got everyone he wanted. Harry became the interesting student that the juniors and seniors wanted to hang-out with (and by hang-out he means hook-up). Harry tried to balance out his time between his cool new friends and Louis, but it didn't work. By the end of the school year, Louis was just the guy who was known for dating the hot senior Nick Grimshaw and the guy Harry Styles no-longer talked to. Louis hates how everything went down between Harry and him, and often wishes he could have done things different, but that still does not give Harry the right to keep treating Louis like shit.

Louis was so lost in his thought that he doesn't realize he reached his apartment complex, after only walking for 11 minutes. Ha. that brisk walk did work after all. He walks tiredly up the stairs to his floor, noticing how empty and silent it is. It is Friday night after all, or Saturday morning, whatever people want to call it.  He’s about to push the key into his door when he feels a presence near him. A presence that he felt earlier that night, a presence that also lives in the same building as him as requested by their mothers. The same presence that runs through his mind at least once-a-day. He assumed Harry would spend the Night at James, but he guesses he was wrong. If he had known he would’ve asked, more likely beg, Harry for a ride instead of walking in the cold.

The hallway is dark around them, since this cheap hell-hole is all the students can afford. It’s not the best place to live, but it still feels like home to Louis. Harry is leaning on the wall next to Louis’ door now, after walking slowly to him from the staircase, and is staring at him with a great intensity that makes feelings erupt in Louis. The same feelings he’s been trying to get rid of for years. Fuck, when will he get over this asshole. He doesn’t know how long they stand there staring at each other, but if he stares any longer he might do something he regrets and end up embarrassing himself.

Louis swallows thickly, and turns away from Harry. “What do you want?”

Silence. As usual.

Harry doesn’t move. He’s acting like he can’t hear what Louis is saying. He also looks like he’s contemplating to say something with the way his face is pinched and his knuckles are white from the tight fists at his sides.

He opens his mouth, but shuts it immediately. Louis watches as he groans in anger and then runs his fingers through his short curly hair. Louis doesn't know what to do, and just stands there waiting for something, anything, but nothing comes. Harry stomps off without a word being uttered. Typical. Louis is use to this behaviour by now. Every time Harry is some-what drunk he stands in front of Louis’ door, and when Louis questions him about it, he doesn't say a word. Or he'll make up some stupid excuse about Louis being familiar and confusing his mind. Whatever it is, It’s fucking creepy, and Harry needs to learn to get better friends to take care of him.

Louis watches him as he makes his way down the hall to his flat to make sure that he reaches his place okay. Harry wobbles to his door, knocking until his roommate Ben lets him in. Ben looks into the hallway sending Louis a head nod to make him know that he will look after Harry, before shutting the door. At least he has one decent friend to look after him.

* * *

Louis' cellphone wakes him before the sun does. He groans loudly, and turns to see his alarm clock reads 4 am. Who the fuck could be calling at a time like this? The only people he knows who would call at a time like this are either his sister or Zayn, and he’s going to go with the latter. He ignores it the first two times, but the phone won't stop ringing. Ugh, he can't catch break. 

“What?” Louis screams into the phone. His voice still scratchy, deep and laced with sleep.

“Babe, I’m so sorry. I drank a lot last night and then Niall came by and you know? Stuff happened...” Louis does not know if this is possible, but he swears he can hear Zayn blush through the phone.

“Spare me the details. It’s fine." Louis says, "I walked home, but you owe me breakfast and dinner for at least a week for making me going to that _terrible_ party filled with just as terrible people.”

Louis hears Zayn laugh quietly on the other line.

“I’m guessing you ran into Harry huh? I kept that part out for a reason.” As if Louis did not know that already. Still it’s nice that Zayn has the balls to admit it.

Louis rubs his eyes, remembering all the events and feelings that occurred the night before. “He’s such an ass, you know? last night was a total fuck-up and Harry was the cherry on top. I don’t know why you hang out with him or his friends. God I hate him so much. ”

Louis sighs to bring his rant to an end. He continues talking after he calms down, “but I know you didn’t call to apologize or talk about Harry, so what do you want?”

"No, I can listen."

"Zayn, tell me what it is or get off my phone."

He hears Zayn swear under his breath. “Ineedyoutogoonadoubledatewithme.”

“Can you say that again? At like normal speed?”

Louis hears Zayn swear a bunch of different curse words. “Before you say no, hear me out. Niall asked me on a date and I told him I’ll only go if it’s group date including you. So….we are going on a double date tonight with Niall and one of his friends.”

Louis sits up in bed, the sheets collecting around his lower stomach, and his head spinning. His phone slips right out of his hands, onto the pillow beside him, because he cannot believe Zayn even has the nerve to be doing this to him. So early in the fucking morning too. He can hear sounds coming from the phone where it’s thrown down on the bed, he honestly can’t deal with this shit right now. Zayn has had his eye on Niall for a long time now. Niall was the younger brother to the Irish fella that Harry was friends with, and befriended Zayn after a couple of years in high school. Louis would always see Niall attempt to talk to Zayn, but didn't really pay much attention to it. However, it all changed when Niall offered Zayn half his sandwich, randomly one day, when he forgot his lunch at home. It may not seem like a big deal to an outsider, but all of Niall’s friends know he never offers food, and all of Zayn’s friends know he’s a picky eater and hates peanut-butter sandwiches, yet to Louis' surprise he still ate it. That was the day Louis knew Zayn's feelings ran deeper than he thought.

Louis picks up the phone off the bed to hear Zayn continuously saying please over and over again.

“Why would you even suggest that? You’ve been crushing on Niall for years, and when he finally asks you out you throw my name into the mix? Fuck, no. I’m not going Zayn. I swear I’m not doing it this time.”

“Louis! I panicked okay? I was like ‘this is too good to be true’ and then I ended up saying your name. I said it and couldn’t talk it back. Come on? I’ll do anything you want. Please don’t make me have to cancel on Niall, I’ve been wishing for this for forever. Please, Lou.”

Louis rolls his eyes, and thinks for a moment. Zayn likes Niall a lot, and Louis loves Zayn too much to see him hurt if he were to say no. He can't do that to his friend, but he knows if the roles were reverse that Zayn would not do half the shit Louis does for him. The answer is obvious now, but he’s not going to say it right a way, making Zayn squirm on the other. 

Louis groans when Zayn starts pleading again. 

“So”, Louis says to stop Zayn's annoying voice. “Do you know who will be my date?”

“Oh my God!" Zayn screams, "I swear if I wasn’t into Niall I would come over and suck your dick right now.”

“You’re such an idiot.”

“I have the bestest friend ever. And Niall said it’s a surprise. He won’t tell me because he thinks you will bail once you find out who your date will be.”

“Okay...he’s probably right. Just text me the time and address, and I’ll be there” Louis says, while re-adjusting himself on his stomach, and slowly fluttering his eyes closed, “I need to sleep now if you expect me to be able to function tonight.”

“Thank you, thank you, tha-”, Louis hangs up the phone before Zayn could continue his rambling.

Louis is about to doze off, but for a quick second he wonders what it be like if Harry was his surprise date. He knows it’s just wishful thinking, since Harry hates him, and the more obvious fact that Harry is in a serious relationship.  But Louis’ always wondered if Harry ever had an ounce of feeling towards him. It just that, in high school, during the time he dated Nick, Nick would make stupid comments to imply that Harry liked him when they were kids. He never believed Nick or asked Harry about it, but looking back at some of their memories maybe something was their between them that Louis couldn’t see when he was younger.

One memory in particular stands out in his mind, a memory that he has tried to bury for years, and forget all together. It was the last summer day before Harry and Louis started high school. They were at their favourite secret hang-out spot, the creek located in the forest behind their houses. They always hung-out there when they needed to talk to each other about something very private rather than in their homes where their sisters ears were wide open. Harry had been fidgety all day, and Louis tried multiple times to find out what was wrong, but he kept dodging his questions saying he had a headache. Louis knew it was a fat lie, so he dragged him to the creak and demanded Harry talk that very moment.

 

* * *

 

_“Harry, can you please tell me what’s wrong? I’ve never seen you this sad before.” Louis said, while finger combing Harry’s hair, as the boy lied in his lap._

_Louis slowly rans his fingers through the thick curls, feeling the softness beneath his fingertips , and stared at stream in front of him. He was giving Harry sometime to find his words. He eventually heard a sob in the quiet air. He looked down to see Harry’s eyes squeezed shut, before he opened them to reveal red teary eyes._

_“Louis”, Harry voice trembled. “I have to tell you something, but i’m scared you won’t want to be my friend anymore.”_

_Louis was startled at Harry’s words, because that was never possible. Louis cared too much about him to make that ever happen. “That will never happen babe, you know that right?  Whatever you say will not change the way I see you.”_

_Harry moved to sit in front of him and bottom lip still trembled. He looked so small in this moment, hunched over, and looking down in his lap. He keeps grabbing the grass around him, and Louis knows he does that when he's anxious. After a while, he took both of Louis’ hands into his, while avoiding eye contact, and began talking very quietly._

_Louis missed most of what Harry said, but he definitely heard “I think i’m bisexual” and the crack in Harry’s voice before he bursted into tears. Harry’s body shook uncontrollably and the tears kept lowing out of his eyes. Louis’ heart broke as he watched his best friend breakdown in front of him. Louis letted go of Harry's hands and wrapped them around his shoulders. He held Harry tightly in his arms, rubbing his back soothingly, and whispered"it's okay" in his ears repeatedly._

_They held each other for hours in the forest and Louis did not stop telling Harry that they will always be his friend, no matter who he loves or anything for that matter. When they  sun began to set they decided to head back home. Harry looked more confident than he did before, since he has a relaxed smile on his face as if a weight has been lifted off his shoulders, but his eyes showed the heaviness from their conversation. Louis’ still pleased to know he’s feeling a little bit better._

_On their way back home, there was a question that Louis wanted to ask the whole time, but he just didn’t know how. Louis kept wondering how Harry realized his sexuality because for a while Louis' been questioning his own, and he thinks he’s started to develop a crush on Harry in the process. It happened out of nowhere and Louis was scared to confide in him, but now it sat in the front of his mind after Harry's confession. He doesn't know to ask him though, so he avoids bringing back up the topic. They walked silently home, hand-in-hand, not wanting to disturb the relaxed atmosphere around them._

_Harry’s palm was sweaty in his by the time they reached Harry’s house. They’re stood on the sidewalk saying goodbye to each other and Harry stopped one last time to give him another hug. Louis hugs Harry back, feeling the comfort of Harry’s breath on his neck,  and the warmth radiating off his body. He holds him extra tight to send the message that Harry’s sexuality won’t affect them, ever, and that they will always be close friends. When Louis started pulling away, Harry turned his head to the side and kissed Louis so quickly and lightly that he honestly didn’t feel anything other than butterflies fighting in his stomach. Harry’s cheeks turned bright red, and Louis could feel that his were too. His skin felt so hot where he stood, and he couldn't take his eyes off of Harry. They both stood there in shock before Harry ran into his house, without a wave or anything, while Louis stood there questioning if that was real or a figment of his imagination._

_Louis smiled the whole way home and the remainder of the day. He spent the whole night thinking about the next day and how he will finally be able to confess his own feelings and see where it goes from there._

_To his disappointment, Harry never mentioned it the next day nor did he acknowledge his coming out from the day before. Harry acted like nothing happened, and Louis was too scared to say anything, so he stayed silent and ignored the knots in his stomach every time harry came around. Then he had to learn to ignore his heart when Harry stopped coming around all together._

* * *

 

 

 

The sun is blinding in his room by the time he falls back asleep.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Date night

Louis wastes the whole morning and afternoon, preparing for his date later that night, thinking about the perfect outfit. Unfortunately, it was pointless because he’s still staring into his closet with no idea what to wear. He skipped studying, finishing his essay, and even drinking tea to find the perfect outfit. And yet, still nothing. He’s seriously judging himself for the lack of clothes in his closet, and for never taking Zayn up on his offer of going shopping, maybe Zayn could have offered him some good fashion advice. Now he’s going to look shabby in his raggedy looking clothes.

He’s almost 22 years old, he must have at least one nice pair of trousers in this bloody closet? He just needs to find an outfit that looks ‘date-worthy’. Nothing too glamorous or shabby, but something that says “Hey, i’m a nice guy, talk to me please?” He should just stay home and call Zayn to tell him he’s come down with a cold or something. It would never work though, and Zayn would be at his flat the same second to see if Louis is telling the truth. Fuck, he needs to figure this out fast. 

He walks around his room in circles complaining, but after ruffling through his drawers and dirty clothes, Louis finally finds some decent enough clothes to wear. Thank God. All he needs to do now is decide between the two outfits laid across his bed. He can go for the more dressy/sexy look: black pants paired with a black button up shirt and black loafers, or the more casual look: black skinny jeans and a white t-shirt paired with his light blue denim jacket and his favourite adidas sneakers. Louis groans loudly and falls beside the clothes on the bed.

This is why he hates going on dates. And even more so hates that he doesn’t know who his date is going to be. Hopefully, it’s that red head that Niall sometimes hangs out with. He can never remember the guy’s name, they’ve only met a handful of times, but he has a nice smile and easy-going personality so that’s a win for him. If he knew who is date was then choosing between outfits would have been much easier. He should just call Zayn or Niall to beg for information, but he doubts they would tell him, they clearly enjoy watching him suffer. The only option left now is Louis closing his eyes and picking randomly. Louis stands up abruptly, spinning three times with his eyes closed, and then looks hesitantly at which outfit his finger is pointing at. Well he has his pick. Whoever his date is, they better not take him for a slob because he’s definitely going with the casual look. Besides, he’s never worn dress pants for any guy before, and he’s not starting now. He wasn't really trying to impress or pull anyone tonight anyways, but he still hopes his choose is decent enough to show he has good style and taste- he can at least fake it that he’s an interesting person regardless what others may say.

Louis gets dressed in front of the long mirror in his room, rotating many times to see all his angles, his arse looks amazing in these pants. His date is a very lucky man. Louis doesn’t have much time to do anything special with his hair, so he opts to wear it how he usually does, brushing his blow dried hair into a fringe to rests on the left-side of his forehead. Louis starts to get nervous all of a sudden, his fingers twitching, and heart racing. The knots that were already formed from last night are thriving in his stomach now. 

He hasn’t been on a date in a while, and he doesn't want to embarrass himself tonight. He's good at pulling and all that, but he's not good at keeping a relationship. He always tells himself that it’s because he’s busy with school and life, but deep down he knows it’s because of his lingering feeling for Harry and the hurtful history he shared with his ex-boyfriend. And the more major fact that no one has shown interest in him long enough for it to leave the bedroom. Louis closes his eyes, and counts to three to stop his negative thoughts. He’s going to try his best tonight to be a good date and enjoy himself, and if he is lucky, maybe he can get a quick shag out of it -- he at least deserves some form of reward for going along with Zayn and his crazy antics. And not to toot his own horn or anything, but he totally looks fuckable in his opinion. He sprays his favourite cologne, a lemon coconut scent, that reminds him of home, grabs his wallet, keys, and smokes, and heads through the door.

Louis arrives at the restaurant 20 minutes earlier than the time Zayn had said, thanks to his not-so-amazing uber driver who clearly doesn’t know what a red light means or cares about the lives of others. His heart is still racing from the driver almost getting hit. He’s sticking with the bus, train or taxi from now on.

Louis notices that no one else is at the restaurant yet, and he doesn’t want to go inside and sit at a big table, alone. He'll just wait outside for the rest of the guest to arrive; it is a nice outside after all. The temperature isn’t like most November evenings. There is only a cool gentle breeze blowing lightly that is making the red and orange leaves dance around the streets. The streets are empty, Louis observes. They aren’t crowded like usual, which is surprising for it being a Saturday night, maybe it’s because he’s not near his flat or a party-driven area. 

Overall the atmosphere is beautiful, with darkness surrounding the sky, and hints of the moon peeping through the angry forming clouds. He loves fall and right nows the perfect opportunity to enjoy the scenery and calm his nerves before his date begins. This restaurant is on the nice and expensive side of town. Niall clearly wants to impress Zayn. Louis smiles sadly at the ground and hopes he’ll find a guy like that one day. 

* * *

Louis' been sitting outside for such a long time that his toes are starting to get numb from the lowering temperature. There is only so much coldness one can take before it becomes physically unbearable to stand outside. Louis angrily looks down at his wrist, again, because it’s way past 7:00pm and still no one has arrived.

He loves the peace and quiet and all, but he’s not going to stand out here all night looking like a fool who got stood up, especially when not wearing a proper jacket. Who the fuck leaves there house in a denim jacket anyways? In the middle of November? He tries ringing Zayn multiple times and sending him a dozen texts, in hopes of finding out what the delay is, but he keeps getting his voicemail. “Zayn Malik isn’t here right now, or maybe he is and is just ignoring you, so in that case fuck off.” Louis rolls his eyes, he’s been telling Zayn to change that voicemail for years.

Fucking Zayn, he always pulls shit like this. Louis moves to sit down on the bench outside of the restaurant, to give his feet some rest, and shelter himself away from the wind that has picked up. He presses his hands to his eyes to stop the stress induced headache that he feels forming. With his eyes covered, he doesn’t see the two figures approaching him, but he can hear their footsteps crunching on the leaves and their familiar voices. Voices that he knows for a fact that Zayn did not mention during the phone calls they shared throughout the day. What the fuck are they doing here?

Louis looks up to see Harry, and his girlfriend Sydney, approaching the bench. His stomach drops, and he definitely knows now that this night is going to be a total nightmare. He hates both of them, but Sydney less than Harry, only a little.

Sydney is a petite girl with chestnut brown hair, and bright blue eyes that can challenge the morning sky. She’s very beautiful in a movie star type of way with thick curly hair and facial features that people spend a fortune to get. Not to mention, she steals everyone’s attention when she passes by, even now Louis can see a group of people across the street staring at her, or maybe they’re staring at Harry. That is understandable. They are a beautiful couple, literally.

He doesn’t know the story of how they got together or met, but he remembers the first time he saw them. The only reason he remembers so visibly is because of the betrayal he felt when he saw them together, and the burning sensation on his fingers, after spilling tea all over his hands. He had never seen Harry in a serious relationship, and was caught off-guard at the new discovery.  Harry always had a string of Hook-ups and was very vocal about not wanting to get into a relationship, so Louis has heard. However the night he saw them giggling outside of Louis’ favourite coffee shop, he knew she was the one to change that all. Their fingers were intertwined and their non-occupied hands were holding their coffee cups. She must have been laughing at a joke Harry told because from the looks of it she was laughing really hard, while Harry smiled at her reaction; the whole exchange was beautiful, cute and very _very_ heartbreaking. He wished he could've been there standing with Harry instead of her. 

They didn’t see Louis through the window that night. He often ponders though why they choose that location for a date, especially that the coffee shop was in the next town over. A good 30 minutes away from where they live. Only a handful of people know Louis enjoys going there, and one of those people unfortunately include Harry, due to his mother’s big mouth. Whatever reason they decided to go there isn’t his business, but one thing for certain is that in that moment he knew she was different than the rest of the people he saw Harry bring home. And one year later he’s still correct.

As said before, Louis hates her. Okay, he doesn’t hate hate her, but he does envy her. He wishes he could trade places with her, just for a day. He wants to know what it feels like to be beautiful, talented, interesting, and more importantly loved by Harry. Sydney gets everything she wants, and in the process she got everything Louis wanted as well.

The lovely couple awkwardly hovers above the bench Louis is sitting on. Shit. He should probably say something instead of staring of them. Louis rubs the sweat from his palms against his thighs, standing up to greet them, and holding his hand out for her to shake.  He doesn’t think it’s possible to hate Zayn anymore than he does in the last 24 hours.

“Hey Sydney, How are you?” Louis says, waiting for her to shake his hand, but she surprises him by pulling him for a hug and pecking him on the cheek twice. Louis hugs her back and greets her the same way she had done for him. 

He avoids greeting Harry for obvious reasons.

“Louis! It’s been too long!” Her response is too excited, to the point that it sounds fake, but Louis knows it isn’t. She has always been hyper and overly-nice.

“I’ve been good!” she continues, “I’m almost finished all my courses and I should be graduating soon. Isn’t that amazing?” Ah yes, she’s still annoying Louis thinks. He hopes his face isn't showing the discomfort he feels around her. 

“That is very amazing.” He says, sarcastically. He then realizes his tone is a touch too rude, judging by the way Harry snaps his eyes towards him, so he continues talking to lighten the blow. “I’m still looking at my options...who knows what the future holds for me.” Louis says, laughing awkwardly to himself.

Harry stays quiet during their whole exchange, standing there calmly looking back and forth between Louis and Sydney, and watching them converse about school and plans after graduation. From an outsiders perspective, they look like they are the best of friends. Louis’ faking the whole thing.

They must be talking for a while, because Harry clears his throat in a loud and obnoxious manner that draws their attention towards him. 

“I’m still here, you know?” Harry says, waving at the two. He then turns to talk to Louis, “Niall told me to tell you that the plans have changed. He said they will be here at 8:30 and that we should just go inside and wait for them.”

Not only did Zayn fail to mention that Harry would be here tonight, but now he’s running late and forcing Louis to hang out with his nemesis.

Nope.

Louis is not sitting at a table with them.

Alone.

No fucking way.

“Uhh are you sure? I can wait out here until they arrive.” Louis looks at the sky to avoid Harry’s confrontational stare.

“Louis, outside is getting cold.” Harry says through clenched teeth. He can hear the frustration in Harry’s words.

He’s not surprised about Harry’s suggestion. He knows Sydney still thinks Louis and Harry are close friends. After Sydney met Anne for the first time, she heard about Harry’s childhood, and assumed that Louis and Harry were still the best of friends. She couldn't have been more wrong. However, she was thrilled to find out Harry had the same friend his whole life, and idiotic Harry decided to carry on with the lie. According to Harry, he cared too much about Sydney to tell her the truth, and asked (more like threatened and forced) Louis to pretend to be his friend in the presence of Sydney. Harry wanted her to believe his good boy image, since he had a bad past, and a reputation that preceded him. The whole charade was ridiculous, in his opinion. 

So, no. He’s not going to sit and pretend to be Harry’s friend, just to please Sydney and oblige Harry's wishes.

“Come in with us please.” Sydney whines. “It's sad that you and Harry haven’t hung out in a while, and I honestly miss hearing you talk about all the new books you've read in your spare time.”

She then hits Harry’s arm faux-angrily, “I keep telling Harry he should invite you over more often, but he always says you’re busy.”

Louis rolls his eyes. Yeah, obviously he’s busy. Her boyfriend hates him and hates when he's around. 

Louis feels bad. Although he feels weird around Sydney, he can’t act like she isn’t one the most sincere people he has ever met. She’s the only person who takes an interest in what Louis studies and doesn't make him feel like an outcast or weirdo. Sometimes, he is grateful that she joined their weird friendship group. Even though Louis is only associated with them now because of Zayn, and he hardly hangs out with them enough to be considered part of there group.

Louis bites his lips nervously, and gives in, “Okay, I’ll come in with you guys.”

They all walk slowly into the restaurant in awe. Louis’ never been in this restaurant before and now he understands why. It’s very fancy. Like suit and tie fancy. The ceiling consists of a giant glass window to reveal the sky; a huge fountain at the center that is lit red, yellow, and blue; and pot lights on the floor creating a subtle brightness where ever someone steps. It’s all very beautiful, overwhelming, and intimate looking. This restaurant is clearly meant for anniversaries, engagement parties, and people who want to bask in their love. Not a place meant for people like Louis. Truly, being in here is just reminder of how single Louis is, and how lucky Zayn is to have someone who wants to bring him to romantic restaurants. He wishes he had someone special to take him to a restaurants like these, and he wishes he was in love with someone who actually wanted him back.

Harry and Sydney fit right in, though. Louis watches them walking in front of him, and he can’t stop the jealousy that swirls in the pit of his stomach. Harry’s whispering something in Sydney’s ear, smiling down at her with a spark in his eye, and a softness that Louis rarely sees anymore. Sydney continues talking with her hands moving around animatedly to emphasize her words, she's oblivious to Harry’s loving gaze, and the jealous stares from everyone around them. Louis keeps staring at them and wonders what it feels like to be with that side of Harry. The side of Harry who stares at you when you’re not looking; who plays with your hair when you’re asleep; or the Harry now that is smiling so softly at Sydney while playing with her fingers. He imagines it sometimes, what it would feel like to have Harry by his side. To see him direct his loving stares at Louis or surprising him with flowers when it is their anniversaries. It must be nice.  Louis blinks back his tears, swallowing deeply, and makes a mental note to never hang out with them after tonight. Never. Again. God, Louis hopes Sydney knows how lucky she is to be  _loved_ by Harry.  

They may not be on good terms anymore, but Louis still remembers everything. And he knows that Harry would be the most perfect and kindest boyfriend to grace this world. Looking at the couple now, Louis knows Harry's still the same guy before there friendship ended. The same sweet lovable guy who puts everyone else's needs before his own. Anyone could fall in love with him, and unfortunately Louis did too. To bad Harry doesn't feel the same way. 

Great. Just fucking great. He needs to find a distraction before he ends up sobbing in the middle of this lobby.

Louis looks around the restaurant, trying to find a waiter or somebody to talk to in hopes of not feeling like a third-wheel beside Harry and Sydney, but he doesn’t find anyone. Everyone's working around him and their still waiting for the waiter to tell them where to sit. The only option now is for him to go back outside in the cold or to find a washroom to hide in. The washroom seems like the only suitable option now, since he doesn't want to make it obvious that he is running away from them. He tells Harry and Sydney to find their table while he goes, to which they nod, and exits as fast as he can. He has never wanted to get away from them faster than right now.

Louis searches frantically for the washroom, but it’s a difficult task with the restaurant being big and filled with hallways that lead to nowhere. After searching for a couple of minutes, he finds the mens washroom on the upper-level of the restaurant. It’s empty when Louis goes inside, and he quickly goes to sit in the furthest stall. He doesn’t want anyone to witness his mental breakdown in here. He sits down on the closed toilet seat, letting his tears fall freely, and doesn't hold back the sobs that continuously spill from his throat. He doesn't know how long he has been in here,  crying his bloody eyes out, but he knows it far too long. Eventually he makes his way out, in fear of someone walking in on him, and stretches his now cramped legs. Louis leans against the washroom counter, inhaling and exhaling deeply to reassure himself that everything is going to be okay. He avoids looking in the mirror in front of him because he doesn't want sees what his reflection holds, he doesn't want to see the weak man he has become, and he doesn't want to see the person whose life is a constant fuck up. 

When will Harry stop having this effect on him? It has been years, and it’s times like these where he wishes he told Harry how he felt before everything went to shit. He doesn’t know if it would have changed the outcome of their relationship, but at least Harry would know, and Louis wouldn’t have regrets every time he sees him or Sydney.

“I’m such an idiot.” Louis mumbles to himself, using the sleeve of his jacket to wipe away the stray tears and to clean his runny nose. He wishes he had a friend right now. He wishes he had Harry.

How stupid is that? The one person who causes him the most pain is the only person who can make him feel better. He's so pathetic. But that doesn't change the fact that Harry always knew how to make Louis stop crying. It was one of his gifts. Louis' mum use to call him a "Louis whisperer" because of all the times he soothed a crying Louis, it happened way too often. 

Louis remembers when him and Harry were about 6 years old, and he had spent the whole day crying because his baby sister, Lottie, was getting all the attention from their mum. Louis felt his mum didn’t love him anymore, and he knows it sounds stupid and immature thinking about it now, but as a kid Louis loved being the center of attention. He sadly marched over to Harry’s house, with stained cheeks and swollen eyes, to find comfort from his best friend. Harry sat quietly, listened and comforted Louis the whole time. He never once laughed or made fun of Louis' insecurities, and did everything in his youthful power to make his friend feel better. When Louis finished crying he brought Louis upstairs to Anne, and told her that she had to become Louis’ mum. Anne sat there confused, asking Harry why, and all Harry said was that Louis deserved to feel loved and special because “ _he’s the best person in the whole wide world _.”__  He knows they were children at the time, and if they were older, Harry probably would have addressed this issue much _much_ differently, but it was cute and heartwarming nonetheless. God, Louis missed his little Hazza.

When they got older, Harry still made him feel wanted and loved, but after everything went down, Louis feels like he doesn't deserves love or is worthy of being loved anymore. The only guy who ever loved him was Nick, and even then there love wasn't the strongest in comparison to others. Louis had felt the possibility of falling in love with Nick, but he moved away before he even had a chance to say the words out of his mouth. There almost love left an untreatable scar in his life.

Nick was honestly a blessing and a curse. A blessing because he cared for Louis more than anyone had before, and a curse because he was the sole reason for the end of Harry and Louis’ friendship. Louis had originally met Nick through Harry, when Harry use to take him to hang out with his popular friends, but after a while he started to hang out with Nick alone, without Harry knowing. Nick was just different. He never forgot about Louis, always inviting him out and including him in conversations, when everyone else was busy with their own lives. Harry was usually with his other friends anyways, while Nick continuously made time for Louis. Nick would cancel his plans with his football friends to spend time with Louis, and sometimes Louis wouldn't even ask him to. Something Harry never did for him. Harry stopped being there for him, and Nick happily filled that role. Nick would never comment on Louis' weird habits, and would spend most of his time staring lovingly at Louis.  Overtime Louis started developing feelings for Nick, because how could he not? He made Louis feel special. Louis had felt guilty at first about their relationship , especially with them going behind Harry's back, but thinking about it now he knows it was all worth it. Nick was one of the best things to come into his life, he just wishes he had did things a _little_ differently so Harry would still be in his.  

* * *

_Nick and Louis constantly sneaked around, mostly hiding at Louis’ house, since Harry never came over anymore. They only watched movies in the beginning of their relationship because Louis was shy about doing anything physical, and Nick never rushed him, always telling him he would wait until he was ready. It wasn’t until they had been dating for a month that they started having heated make-out sessions, and it wasn’t until a month after that that Louis found out hands could cause so much pleasure. Their relationship progressed slowly, but Nick was still his first for everything. Nick was magical and everything Louis had wished for in a relationship. The best part was that no one suspected anything about their relationship. They sneaked around in public, made up a million of excuses to tell those around them, and slowly started to fall in love in private. Maybe that’s why they started getting sloppy at keeping their secret a secret. Their growing feelings distracted them from the cracks they were leaving everywhere._

_That night in particular, when it all went to shit, was when Louis’ mum and sisters went on an all-girls trip. He excitedly invited Nick over to spend the night when he realized his annoying sisters were not going to be around. They didn’t set any plans for the night, and just ended up cuddling on the sofa and eating chips. They still spent most of the night making out, and watching crappy television shows, but eventually their lack of real food got to them and they ordered a pizza. They fussed over who was going to open the door, and obviously Louis won because he’s a spoiled brat who always got what he wanted. What they both weren’t expecting was Harry coming over._

_He should've been more careful._

_Louis could hear yelling coming from the front of his house, and he cautiously walked over to see what the commotion was all about. Who he saw standing there made him freeze. He felt the blood drain from his face when he saw an angry Harry towering over Nick. Louis' fingers shook, and his feet forgot how to move, making it nearly impossible to stop the situation front of him from escalating. Harry's face was red, his fists were clenched tightly around Nick’s collar, and Nick, poor Nick, looked so scared and guilty in Harry’s grip. He was not moving an inch. He clearly didn’t want to anger Harry any further._

_"Guys...." Louis tried to say to diffuse the situation, but was cut off by Harry screaming at his boyfriend._

_“Nick, what the fuck are you doing here and at bloody midnight? Don’t even think about lying to me this time! you told me you had a date tonight! Is Louis the fucking date?" The anger and frustration laced in Harry’s words sent a painful shiver down Louis’ spine._

_Louis couldn’t feel his body, he just stood there in shock and in disbelief because he had never seen Harry this angry before. Harry's veins in his neck were all raised and his eyes looked like he was ready to kill anyone in his path. All Louis could do was watch the scene in front of him and pray it didn't get any more violent._

_Nick just stood there speechless, obviously not knowing how to explain what was going on between him and Louis. The guilty expression written on Nick’s face revealed all the answers to Harry’s questions, and then the air grew tense between all three of them. Harry finally looked away from Nick’s face and searched Louis’ eyes to confirm what he already knew, his frown deepened from the truth he saw in Louis' eyes. Harry turned back to Nick in disbelief, letting go of his collar, and backed up against the wall beside the open front door. Harry grabbed his hair painfully, yanking at the roots, and had bloodshot eyes. Louis was surprised by Harry's reaction, never expecting this, but his guilt still consumed him._

__This wasn’t supposed to ever happen. Louis never wanted Harry to find out this way. He never wanted to hurt him._ _

_Harry leaned against the wall, slumped over, and began breathing heavily as if he was trying to stop a panic attack from coming on. Louis wanted to rush over to check on Harry and make sure he was alright, but he had to check on his boyfriend first. It’s what boyfriends are supposed to do._

_Nick didn’t have any bruises, but his neck looked red from where the material of his shirt rubbed harshly against his skin. Louis was in the middle of soothing Nick’s neck, when Harry looked up to see Louis comforting him. Harry’s whole expression broke. He kept staring at Louis waiting for him to say something, to say anything. But Louis didn’t know what to say or how to fix the situation._

_He honestly didn’t know why he kept both his sexuality and relationship from Harry- maybe he was scared to know what Harry’s opinion would be. He also didn’t want to explain to Harry that his sexuality was confirmed the night he kissed him, and he definitely didn’t want Harry to let him down easy. Louis didn’t want Harry to ever know his deep feelings about him, and risk ruining what they had. He loved Harry too much to lose him all together over some silly crush._

_Although Louis tried to keep everything a secret, in the beginning, he had tried to tell Harry on multiple occasions. Him and Harry made many plans to meet up, but Harry never showed._ It was just excuses after excuses, and sometimes Louis would be stood up with no explanation at all.  _After being ignored 5 times in a row Louis gave up. He didn't feel the need to share something so important in his life with someone who continuously cancelled on him.  If he knew Harry would react this way than maybe he would have tried harder to tell him sooner._

_Harry walked over to Louis and Nick, grabbing Louis by the wrist, and pulling him into the kitchen. Louis tried pulling away, but Harry’s tight grip on his arm kept him in place. The grip wasn't tight enough to hurt or bruise, but he knew it would be red for a little while. Eventually Harry released his arm and stood in front of him in the kitchen, his gaze never leaving Louis' face._

_This was the first time Louis had seen Harry properly in weeks, and looking at Harry he could tell something was seriously wrong. He looked so disheveled, and not like his usual self.  His hair was sticking up in different directions and his eyes had dark purple bags under them, as if he hadn’t been sleeping for days or even weeks._ _When was the last time Louis saw Harry? He could have sworn he saw him during Niall’s ‘lads night’ last week, but thinking about it now he doesn’t recall Harry being there for more than an hour. He wasn’t paying attention that night because he was trying to avoid Nick, and in the process he ended up avoiding and ignoring Harry because he was beside Nick._

_Harry only comes over, at this time, to talk when something is bothering him. He obviously had something important to talk about, and this shit had to happen. Louis feels  horrible. Instead of finding comfort in his best friend, Harry had to find out Louis was gay and had a secret boyfriend. Gosh, why is he such a fuck up? All this time he had been blaming Harry for their diminishing relationship, but he clearly contributed to their existing issues._

_“Louis, what the fuck is going on?” Harry hissed, looking angrily into Louis’ eyes._

_Louis reached up to rest his hand on Harry’s cheek, hoping his touch would somehow magically fix the frown on Harry face, but Harry flinched back out of Louis’ touch. He stared at him expectantly, waiting for him to answer the question._

_“Harry, I’ll explain everything to you after. Did you want to talk tonight?”, Louis asked softly._

_“Louis don’t pull that fake concerned friend shit right now. Are you and Nick really together?” He whispered, “you guys are two of my closest friends, but you’re my best friend. Were you never going to tell me that you’re gay? Bisexual...?”_

_Louis really didn't want to go into detail about his sexuality when Harry was clearly going through something. He wanted to focus on Harry and only him._

_“Yes Harry we’re together. And I’m gay.” Louis said cutting him off to find out how Harry is doing, “That’s not important, tell me what’s going on with you. Is everything alright?”_

_Louis stepped forward to get closer to Harry, the same time Harry stepped back. “Harry please.” Louis said, trying to reach out to him._

_Harry gave in eventually, and walked right into Louis’ personal space. Their bodies were so close that Louis could feel every one of Harry’s inhales and exhales against his face. All he had to do was tip his head up and forward and his lips would be on his. Harry was staring intensely into Louis' eyes, and Louis could feel how they were gravitating towards each other, until something, more like someone, made Harry stop in his tracks._

_Nick was standing in the kitchen doorway watching them, more specifically, watching Harry. Louis looked at Nick expecting him to be upset about finding them this way, but he just looked guilty and ashamed._

_Harry backed away from Louis, their moment gone, as if nothing had happened before. “It doesn’t matter anymore. I’m just going to head home.”_

_“No, wait I want -”_

_“Louis, whatever I had to say before isn’t important anymore. Just forget about it.” Harry smiled weakly, “I’m fine, okay? I just came by to see if you wanted to hang out because my mum said Jay was gone for the night and you might want some company." Harry kept looking everywhere in the room. rocking on the heels of his feet, and his hands pushed deep in his jeans pockets._ _"You’ve got your boyfriend now, so I’m clearly not needed anymore.”_

_He whispered the last part so sadly._

_Louis knew it was all lie. He had picked up on Harry's behaviours throughout  the years and knows he didn't come over just to hang out. Harry hadn’t been over in the past year, and the last time he did was when he came out to his mother. They stopped hanging out a long time ago._

_Louis had to try and make this better._

_“Harry, please stay. You can hang out with us? pizza’s on the way and I’m sure Nick won’t mind.” Louis said, hoping Harry would change his mind to stay._

_“Nah, it’s okay. I’m supposed to meet Rachel tonight, you know the cheer captain?" _Harry said, winking and smiling seductively._  "Apparently, she’s been wanting to make a move on me for weeks, so I’m going to try my luck tonight.” _

_Louis kept his groan inside and shook his head at Harry's comment. He honestly needed to hear that because sometimes he forgets that Harry is a fuckboy now._ _He wasn’t looking for a boyfriend or girlfriend, he was looking for casual hook-ups. Harry was only looking at hot upper-year students, hooking up with different people every week, and never making time for Louis as a result. Louis wasn't important to Harry anymore._

_Harry would never look at Louis the way he looked at the sexy cheer captains or the hot jocks. Louis’ nothing compared to those people, and he needs to start accepting that Harry will never see him as more than a friend, if that. It hurt a lot in the beginning, but with Nick he felt wanted.  Harry never wanted him and that is why he needed to move forward with Nick and forget about his juvenile crush on his best friend. Nick actually wanted to be in relationship, and more importantly wanted to be with Louis. Louis finally had someone who could rely on; who cared about his day; wanted to make him happy; and replaced the sadness in Louis’ heart with happiness. He knew Nick loved him, and he knew would one day he would eventually grow to love Nick too. Moving on from Harry is the best thing for him._

_“That's good, I guess. We can talk more t-tomorrow, right?” Louis said hopefully. He wanted to clear the air with Harry and try to build back their friendship. He wanted his best friend back._

_The cold stare he received from Harry made him know that Harry had no plans to ever speak with him in the near future. Louis broke one of the most important rules in their friendship by not telling him about his relationship or sexuality. What kind of friend is he? He forced Harry to come out to him and he couldn’t even return the favour by telling him about his own dilemmas._

_“Yeah, maybe.” Harry shrugged, hanging his head low._

_Louis walked Harry to the front door, trying to find the right words to ask him if they were going to be okay, or if he was mad at him. He didn't want Harry to leave his house being angry at him. If Louis needs to fix this problem tonight he will. Before Louis could voice his thoughts, Harry stopped. He was halfway out the front door, one foot in one foot out, and placed his hand gently on Louis cheek. He rubbed his cheek in small circular motions like Louis' was a fragile doll. He stared at him sadly, as if he was trying to memorize all of Louis' facial features. Louis looked up at him with a confused expression, wanting to know why Harry was being so gentle with him, and treating this situation like  final goodbye._

_“Louis, Nick’s a good guy." Harry finally said. "if anyone truly deserved you, it’s him. I’m happy for you, and I really really hope you are happy with Nick.” Harry swallowed thickly, playing with the ring on his pinkie finger. “I don’t know what made you think that you couldn’t trust me or come to me with all of this, but it’s okay - you have someone waiting for you. Goodbye Lou.” He kissed Louis’ right cheek, and left without waiting for Louis’ response. Closing the door before Louis could even process what happened._

* * *

Louis makes his way out of the washroom, searching for Harry and Sydney, who are probably making-out in a random corner. He sees they have found their table; a booth made for six people. Harry and Sydney are already sitting across from each other at the far end close to the wall. They’re hunched over the table, talking and giggling with each other, as if the world around them doesn’t exist.

Louis approaches the table apprehensively.

“Hey, any word from Zayn or Niall?” Louis says, sliding in on the other end, and leaving a deliberate space between him and Harry.

“Yeah, they’re outside parking their car.” Harry doesn’t even look at Louis, his eyes stay focused on Sydney. Louis rolls his eyes and starts to play with the loose thread on shirt. This night is going to be very _very_ long.

Louis’ about to start a random conversation about last weeks football game when he sees Zayn running up to the table, beaming brightly at his best friend. Thank God. Louis was ready to risk it all to avoid anymore silence.

Zayn looks good tonight, like runway model good. He definitely pulled out his best outfit tonight to impress Niall. He’s wearing an all black outfit: black pants, a black blouse with the top 3 buttons undone, and black doc martens. He’s also wearing a glittery gold belt to tie the whole outfit together, and it somehow makes the outfit look one hundred times better.

“Louis! sorry we’re late." Zayn says, guilt evident in his tone.  "Your date is very high maintenance in my opinion, and wouldn’t leave his room until he looked ‘spectacular.’” Harry scoffs in the background, but Zayn ignores him and sends him a knowing glare.

“You did tell this guy I’m not looking for a relationship, right?” Louis whispers to Zayn.

“I did, but-”

“Dammit Zayn...” Louis shakes his head. He told Zayn multiple times that day that he's not ready to start dating, and that he is just doing this for fun. He doesn't want to lead someone on and make them think this is more than what it is. 

“No, listen. He said maybe he can change your mind. He’s not going to force you into anything you don’t want Lou.” Zayn squeezes Louis’ shoulder and pushes him over, so he can take the seat at the end and greets Harry and Sydney.

Now he’s forced to sit beside Harry.

The booth is very tight, and Louis can feel Harry’s leg stiffen beside him. From the corner of his eyes he could see Harry trying to squish himself in the corner, but it's no use, there legs are still touching under the table. He’s never been this close to Harry in years, and doesn’t want to relish in this feeling, but he has missed the body heat that radiates off Harry. He use to tell Harry when they were kids that he was like a human heater, and it’s still true. Louis feels so warm next to him. 

Louis’ so focused on the fact that Harry’s sat right beside him that he doesn’t notice his date is standing at the end of the table. The only reason he notices his date is because he hears Harry conversation with Sydney end abruptly and a sharp inhale.

“Hello, Louis.” Louis’ body stiffens, and a shiver running down his spine because of that familiar voice. A voice that he has heard: tell stupid jokes; whisper comforting words to him; say "I love you"; and his favourite, moan his name under the covers.  His voice is still as lovely as he remembers. The same gravely tone with the hint of sarcasm laced in every words. He’s missed that voice, especially at night when his mind spirals through past memories. Louis turns in his seat to face him, and he’s still as gorgeous as he was when they were teenagers.

They broke-up years ago, but he clearly got better looking after their relationship. He hardly aged.  He also dresses differently. Nick’s wearing black skinny jeans, a grey turtleneck and a light brown pea coat, way more sophisticated than the silly  t-shirts he used to wear in high school. He looks more mature, happy, and relaxed. There must be some magic in the LA water because Nick’s skin is glowing, and from the look of it his skin is very soft and smooth. Louis has to stop himself from climbing over Zayn, and reaching forward to run his fingers along his cheeks and jaw.

He sees a shy smile creeping up on Nick’s face, clearly reacting to the fact that Louis has spent a whole minute checking him out.  

“Nick, w-what are you doing here?” Louis’ heart is beating so hard in his chest.

“I gotta say this is not the reaction I was expecting babe.” Nick smirks, “can I at least get a hug before all the questions?” Louis could cry because he’s still the same guy he almost fell in love with.

Louis basically pushes Zayn out of the booth to reach Nick. Nick grabs his hand to bring their bodies closer together, and wraps his long arms around Louis’ waist. Louis' arms go around Nick’s neck, standing on his tiptoes to bury his face into his neck, inhaling his deep earthy scent. 

He feels Nick’s hands rubbing small circles into his back, and Louis instantly melts in his arms. It’s like their 15 again with his stomach in knots, and his body feeling like jelly. He feels very shy in Nick’s arms like he’s a stranger. It’s weird to think they were together for 2 years.

“I’ve missed you.” Nick says quietly in his ear. 

Louis doesn’t know what to say. He wants to answer truthfully and tell Nick how much he has missed him, but he doesn't think it's appropriate now, especially when they have so _so_ much to talk about.

Louis pulls out of the hug, and Nick keeps his hand on his waist. Louis avoids responding to Nick's previous statement.

“Why didn’t you call, text or even email me? How long have you been back?” 

“I just came back yesterday and I ran into Niall at the party.” Nick says flicking his head in the direction where Niall is now sitting. “He said the gang is still together and invited me out tonight to be your date, and there was no way in hell I would say no to that.” Louis blushes.

“I wish you called me before. I would’ve put more effort into my outfit.” Louis says looking down at his wrinkly t-shirt.

He starts to laugh because God he’s a mess. He could have at least mustered up the courage to iron his shirt, and now he is in this fancy restaurant looking like he belongs in a junkyard.

His self-deprecating laughter abruptly stops when he hears the words that Nick lets out confidently in the room.

“You’re still the most beautiful person in the room.” Nicks stern look makes him know that he’s being sincere. Oh fuck. Here comes more butterflies.

“Thanks, Nick.” Louis’ blushing again. His cheeks might as well stay red for the rest of the night.

“We should sit down and stop causing traffic for the waiters.” Louis turns back to the table to see everyone’s eyes on him , except for Harry who seems very interested in the drink menu.

Zayn gets up, pushing Louis back into the middle, and Nick sits right across from him with Sydney on his left and Niall on his right.

Nick smiles at them all, and then turns to Sydney, the newest addition to their so-called ‘group’.

“Hi, I’m Nick. I don’t think we’ve met before.” Nick says, sticking out his hand for Sydney to shake.

“Oh, I’m Harry’s girlfriend Sydney.” She shakes Nick’s hand with a confused expression. “I thought you would know that already... aren’t you and Harry close friends?” Sydney turns to address Harry, “Babe, don’t you and Nick talk all the time? I swear I saw you guys hanging out at the party last night?”

Wait, what?

Since when did Harry and Nick talk? and did Harry know Nick was at the party before or after their fight in the washroom?

Louis knows Nick and Harry remained friends in high school, even though Harry cut all ties with Louis, which thinking about it now still rubs Louis the wrong way, but he thought for sure that Harry no longer talked to Nick after he moved to Los Angeles. Guess he was wrong.

“We’re not that close, but yeah we talk from time-to-time.” Harry’s eyes flicker to Nick’s then back on Sydney, “I thought I told him about you. Our conversations are typically short so it must have slipped my mind. Don’t worry, you’re still the most important person in my life.” Harry smirks, stroking her hand reassuringly.

“Actually he has mentioned you before. Come to think of it, I remember him telling me about a girl he met with a couple of months ago. It must have been before you guys got serious.” Nick shrugs and takes a sip of his water, eyeing Harry suspiciously.

Hm, weird.

“Oh okay, that makes sense,” Sydney giggles. “I got scared for a minute. Anyways, Nick how do you know Louis?”

Nick's eyes widen excitedly. “We were high school sweethearts. We were together for 2 years before I moved to LA for school.”

“Oh! Louis!” Sydney directs her attention to Louis, “I never knew you were in a relationship? I didn’t even know you were gay.” She whispers the last part as if everyone in the table didn’t already know his sexuality.

He hears Zayn snort beside him. Gosh, this is embarrassing.

Louis shrugs, “Harry never told you?”

“It’s not like you ever told me your sexuality. Plus, it’s not my business to tell.” Harry says absentmindedly, “Can we please eat now, these fake conversations are getting exhausting.” He’s so rude.

They all ignore his remark, but still agree they should start eating and begin to order their meals. Louis gets the balsamic chicken with a ceasar salad, while everyone else seems to get some form of pasta dish aside from Harry who gets quesadillas.

Nick does a wonderful job keeping everyone entertained at the table, putting his LA charisma to good use. He’s telling jokes about celebrities, and discusses the time he met Brad Pitt at one of his internships. Hearing Nick talk now he can tell his dreams are coming true. Nick always knew what he wanted, and he’s been very successful achieving his goal thus far. At least one of their lives’ are on the right track.

The only problem is with Nick’s continuous talking is that Niall and Zayn aren’t saying anything. They aren’t even looking at each other. Maybe he can steal Nick away for a couple of minutes and Niall and Zayn will begin to talk. It’s also the perfect time to speak to Nick alone and why he’s not in LA.

Louis clears his throat, “Nick, do you think we can speak for a moment? outside?”

Nick looks caught off guard, but happily obliges. “Yeah, of course.”

They walk slowly out the restaurant together and sit down on the bench Louis had been on earlier that night. Louis takes a cigarette out of his pocket, offering one to Nick who declines, and lights it up before their conversation starts. He needs something to calm his nerves for this conversation.

Nick’s staring at Louis’ side profile, watching the smoke blow out of his mouth.

“When did you start smoking?” Nick asks.

“Hmm. A little over a year ago I think? when I had trouble studying it helped me relax.”

“The Louis I remember hated cigarettes.”

Louis laughs bitterly, “Well things obviously change Nick. I’m not 17 anymore.”

“I didn’t mean it like that, Lou…” Nick says, apologetically.

“Are we going to talk about this? Or are we going to act like nothing happened years ago?” Louis says, his leg bouncing up and down nervously.

He thought he got over this a long time ago, but seeing Nick tonight just reminds him how horrible there break up was. How Nick left Louis so easily without even considering their relationship or the broken heart Louis would have to nurse for years .

“Louis, I’ve apologized so many times. You were only 17 years old…. I couldn’t ask you to leave with me.” Nick says, reaching to touch Louis’ cheek, “I didn’t leave you because I didn’t love you, but rather because I did. I loved you so much Louis, and I couldn’t make you leave with me when I knew I was more committed to our relationship than you.”

Louis flinches back.

“Are you serious right now?” He’s livid. “I was fully committed, how can you even say that shit to me?”

How could Nick even think for one minute that Louis wasn’t a 100% in their relationship. If Nick had asked him to leave, he would have went with him in a heartbeat.

Nick stays silent for a couple of moments before he starts.

“ ‘member when we went to Johnny’s 18th birthday party?”

Louis nods slowly, not knowing where Nick is going with this. That night was so long ago and he can hardly recall anything other than all the shots he did with Niall in the backyard.

“We somehow got separated that night and I remember finding you drunk in the corner sobbing your eyes out. You wouldn’t tell me what was wrong and I was freaking out because I thought your banged up your self or something and was injured.” Louis doesn’t remember any of this. All he knows is that he woke up in Nick’s bed, while Nick slept on the floor.

“You just kept on talking about love wasn’t fair and how you wish this wasn’t happening to you. At first I thought you were realizing you loved me because I knew you had trouble giving into your feelings” , Louis then hears the shake in Nick’s voice, “But then you started talking about memories that you didn’t share with me. You never said his name that night, but I knew who you were talking about. And I knew in that moment that I couldn’t keep waiting for you to love me, so I decided to leave. Not just for my sake, but also yours”.

Tears are collected in Nick’s eyes when he turns to look at Louis. “I was so in love with you Louis, and that same love made me leave because I wanted you to be happiest person you could be, but that wasn’t with me. LA seemed like a good place to start over, and you know get over you?”

Nick takes a hold of Louis’ hand before he can say anything, “I never wanted to hurt you Louis, I promise. I thought you would get over this quickly. It wasn’t until I spoke with Harry to realize how heartbroken you really were.”

Louis’ jaw drops open. He doesn’t remember saying anything that night, and how would Harry even know if he was heartbroken or not if they weren’t speaking at that time?

All these years he blamed Nick for breaking his heart, thinking that Nick saw Louis as disposable compared to his future, but in reality Louis broke Nick’s heart. There was some truth to what Nick had just said. But that doesn’t erase the fact that Louis was close to falling in love with Nick.

He remembers feeling jealous that night because he saw Harry making out with a guy in the corner; however, Nick probably mistook what Louis meant in his drunken state. He knows for a fact he was mostly over Harry at that time, but seeing Harry with that guy hit him in a different way that night. He missed his best friend.

He missed not getting to see Harry grow up to be confident enough to make-out with a guy in the middle of a party. Harry was never ashamed of himself, but he tried to avoid pda with guys in public to prevent ridicule and humiliation, and seeing him in that moment made Louis realize that Harry wasn’t the same kid anymore. He grew up and didn’t need Louis anymore, even though Louis still needed him. So much.

“Nick, I don’t know how to explain this to you, but I cared about you so much. Yes, I will admit I did have feelings in the beginning for Harry, but by the time you broke up with me I was completely over him. I honestly thought you were it for me, and even though I never said those words to you it didn’t mean I felt nothing towards you.” Tears trail down Louis’ cheek as he searches Nick’s eyes to make him know everything he is saying is the truth.

“Nick I was head over heels for _you”_ He sniffles. “I may not have been in love with you, but I felt the closest to love when I was with you.”

Nick stares at Louis with guilt written all over his features.

“Louis, I know you cared about me, but I don’t think we were meant for each other. Even if what you’re saying is true right now, I still think I made the right choice by leaving” Nick looks down, and smiles softly at his lap “You may not see that now, but you will someday.”

The words feel like a slap in the face. He never thought Nick and him would ever get back together or anything, but that little sparkle of hope made him imagine a life where Nick still loved him. That he would be his happy ending.

“Okay.” Louis voice cracks, “but I still want you to know I’m sorry. You misunderstood what I said. I mean I did love Harry, but only as a friend. He was like family to me you know? I lost him and I was just sad because our friendship was over.”

Louis chooses not to mention the feeling that never really died for Harry. There is only so much rejection he can take in one night.

Nick leans over, pushing Louis hair gently off his forehead, before kissing Louis softly on the lips. Louis wants to chase the feeling. He knows this is a goodbye kiss, but he wants to savour the moment a little longer. It only lasts a few seconds before Nick pulls away. “ _God, I wish you and I could be together"_ , Nick says it so quietly that Louis misses the end of the sentence. "I'm sorry too ” Nick murmurs against his forehead.

Louis reaches to wipe the stray tears away from Nick’s face, “I believe you. I’m happy to know that LA helped you become the person you want to be.”

Nick smiles teasingly at Louis. “Glad to know that you still have a sexy arse”

“ _Oh my god Nick_ , shut up.” Louis says, batting at Nick’s chest.

They spend a couple more minutes outside talking about their current life and making plans to hang out while Nick’s in town for a little while. When they reach back to the table, Louis notices that his absence still didn’t help with Niall and Zayn. Harry and Sydney are in their own world, while the main couple of the night won’t even look at each other.

Zayn keeps rolling around a piece of ravioli in his plate and Niall won’t stop stirring his drink. The main purpose of tonight was to get Niall and Zayn talking. The only reason Louis agreed to come tonight was for Zayn’s sake, and now they’re acting like children who had their candy stolen.

He knows Zayn is shy, so he can’t really blame him for this. But, come on? His childhood crush finally asked him out and instead of making conversation he’s playing with his food. Zayn’s been acting like this since high school when it comes to Niall, and vice-versa. They have been in this limbo for years, constantly flirting with each other, studying together when they already know the answers, and spending almost every morning together at the coffee shop. They’ve been great friends for years, so Louis doesn’t understand what is holding Zayn back.

The main problem to their dynamic is one of them is always in a relationship. Niall dated the same girl throughout high school, which drove Zayn crazy because he didn’t know if Niall was even interested in guys, and the fact he had to see Niall make-out with girlfriend everyday. Zayn eventually moved on from his crush, and began his first relationship with a lovely girl named Perrie, who he met during the first year of college. Louis honestly thought Perrie was going to be the one for Zayn, but Zayn still couldn’t let go of his feelings for Niall.

Funny enough, that was the same year Niall and Hailee broke up, and the same year Zayn walked in on Niall and some random guy. Let’s just say, Zayn was mortified and thrilled at the same time. Now they are both single. At least they are trying to get their shit together. Maybe they just needed a little push. Louis can be the supportive friend just one more time.

Louis picks up the dessert menu, pretending to act interested in the million of chocolate cakes they have. He knows a way to get them talking.

Louis clears his throat, sitting down back into his seat. “Hey Niall, did I ever tell you about Zayn’s weird hate for anything relating to peanut butter?” He keeps his eyes trained on the menu, and ignores Zayn stepping on his foot under the table.

Louis feels Zayn tense-up beside him, and Niall looks at Louis with confusion written all over his face.

“That can’t be true.” Niall now directs his stare at Zayn, “I literally buy you peanut-butter cookies every time we get coffee? Why haven’t you said anything?”

“Um I don’t know what Louis is talking about. I love peanut-butter.” Zayn says with a squeak at the end of his sentence.

Louis laughs, “If you love it so much why did you vomit after drinking my peanut-butter milkshake by mistake last week?”

Harry groans loudly beside him, “Honestly, Louis shut the fuck up. Why do you love starting shit?” Louis fights every urge in his body to not punch Harry in the face.

“Fuck off Harry, I’m trying to save this date before it becomes their lasts.” Louis hisses quietly, so only Harry can hear. “Anyways,” Louis says, a touch too loud, “Zayn why didn’t you tell Niall that you hate peanut-butter?”

Zayn stays quiet, acting like he didn’t hear what Louis just asked. He can only pretend for so long because everyone is staring at him now awaiting an answer.

“Ugh okay!” Zayn throws his hands up to show his frustration. “Niall, I like you. I have for a long time and because of that the cookie felt like a tradition between us, and I didn’t have the heart to tell you. The thought of you buying me things, even though I hate peanut butter, still made me happy.”

Niall’s jaw falls open, “You like me?”

Louis rolls his eyes, Niall and Zayn clearly deserve each other, they’re both oblivious. Everyone at the table is staring between Niall and Zayn to see what else is going to be said.

“Yeah, I guess,” Zayn scratches the back of his neck. “I never said anything because I didn’t think you felt the same way?”

“What are you talking about? I’ve liked you since fucking high school.” Okay. Wow. Louis did not know that, and clearly neither did Harry by the way his eyes pop out. Ha. Clearly his best friends still don’t tell him stuff.

“B-but you were with Hailee throughout high school?”

“Yeah, because I thought you didn’t like me. I stayed with her in hopes of getting over you.”

Niall stares longingly at Zayn. “I liked you since the first time I saw you reading under that ugly tree beside the cafeteria.”

“Wait a minute. Zayn stopped reading under that tree after he met me in freshman year, and you and Zayn didn’t become friends until senior year.” Louis says, throwing himself back into the conversation.

“Yeah, I know Louis. Thank you so very much for pointing that out” Niall rolls his eyes, and takes Zayn’s hand that’s resting casually on the table, into his small palm.

“I’ve liked you for all these years, and i’ve been trying to build up the courage to ask you out for so long. Me being drunk yesterday gave me the courage to kiss you.” Niall is smiles brightly, “What I didn’t expect was for you kiss me back. When you did I thought ‘hey, maybe he does feel the same’ and now here we are.”

Zayn has tears in his eyes, “I like you so so much Niall, you should’ve said something in high school! I hated Hailee” He does a cute little squeal, "I’m so happy right now”.

Zayn leans over the table, grabbing Niall’s face, and smashes his lips against his.

Louis’ honestly on the verge of tears, because even though Zayn pisses him off, he still wants the best for him.

Nick begins clapping, killing the whole moment and startling the newly formed couple.

“Brava, Brava. I never thought this day would come.” Nick says in a posh accent, “Congrats my pals. At least one couple at this table is able to admit their true feelings” He raises his glass to both Niall and Zayn before gulping down the rest of his red wine.

Louis doesn't miss the glare that Nick receives from Harry.

Although Louis would love to embarrass Zayn some more, he needs to head home before it gets to late. He hardly slept the night before, and he at least needs 5 hours of sleep to make it through tomorrow.

“Hey guys, I’m going to head home now.” He’s mostly talking to Zayn.

“Boo” Niall and Zayn say in unison, “Come on Lou, it’s not even 11:00. Stay, please?” Zayn gives Louis his best puppy dog look, but it’s not working anymore tonight or ever.

“Yeah Lou,” Sydney cuts in, “Hangout with us some more we’ve missed you. Tell him Harry that we’ve missed him” Sydney says, staring at Harry to say something.

“Louis’ a growing boy, and he needs sleep. Goodnight Louis.” Harry says, with a teasing smirk on his face. Louis rolls his eyes.

Louis notices that Nick is silent. A part of him was hoping Nick would try to stop him, but he’s just sitting their silently for the first time.

“I’m sorry guys, but I have a lot to do tomorrow. Goodnight everyone, except Harry.”

Zayn gets up giving Louis room to get out of the booth, and hugs him tightly “Thank you so much.” Zayn says, pecking Louis on the cheek.

He’s walking out of the restaurant when he hears footsteps close behind him, it must be Nick following him.

Louis turns around to surprisingly see Harry. He arches a brow at Harry silently asking why he is following him. Harry just stares at him passively.

“Don’t be annoying Harry, what do you want?”

Harry snorts, “I wouldn’t ask you this if I wasn’t forced by Sydney. Do you want a ride home? We’re getting ready to leave now.”

“She just asked me to stay? How is she ready to leave already?”

“God Louis do you have to make everything so difficult. Do you want a ride home or not”?

Louis’ confused. The last time Harry offered Louis a ride was in high school and he really doesn’t want to think about that night.

“Are you sure?”

“Don’t make me ask again. Yes or no?”

It had begun to rain about an hour ago, and Louis’ definitely not in the mood to hail a cab in this weather. He can play nice just a little longer for Sydney’s sake.

“Sure, thanks.”

Harry ignores him, and walks towards the door. He turns to look at Louis. “Aren’t you coming?”

“What about Sydney?” Louis asks, looking back to see if Sydney is coming.

“Her friend is coming to pick her up. It’s one of their weird friendship sleepover nights, so are you coming or not?”

Louis wouldn’t have said yes if he knew Sydney wouldn’t be in the car with them. He already spent too much time being close to Harry tonight, and now he has to sit beside him in his small car. It would look weird for him to back out of the ride now.

They were best friends for many years, so how awkward can a 20 minute car ride be.

“Yeah, lets go.” Louis says, following Harry out of the restaurant.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiii, sorry I took so long to update! Uni has been very busy. I'm going to try and have chapter 3 posted in the next two weeks. Hopefully I can (no promises). 
> 
> Thank you so much for reading <3 xx


	3. Chapter 3

The rain is tapping heavily against the windshield and thunder is shaking his feet. Louis watches the movement of the rain droplets running down the passenger window. Louis feels trapped in this car with Harry. The interior of the car is nice, he’ll give Harry that. Black leather seats, and the radio dashboard being a mix of mahogany brown and black. It’s a very digital and upgraded car compared to the shitty car Harry had in high school.

Harry’s car reminds him of memories he wants to forget, and also brings up memories of who Harry was in their youth. He didn’t spend much time in Harry car back then before their fight, but he enjoyed the time he got to spend with Harry is his car. Moments where they would just drive and enjoy the silence between them. The silence now is far from enjoyable.

He would’ve said no if he knew his only form of entertainment would be from watching the windshield wipers going back and forth. He can hear a song playing on the radio, but the volume is too low and is just a lulling sound in the background. It sounds like a soft rock song, but he can’t tell. He wants to reach over to turn it up, but he’s afraid Harry will react badly and he’s not in the mood to deal with Harry’s attitude.

Harry hasn’t said anything from the moment they entered the car, other than don’t touch Sydney’s stuff in the cupholder. From the looks of it, there is only a pink brush and some form of charger in there. Probably an iphone or android charger. He doesn’t care to know. He was never planning on touching anything, but he’s definitely not going to now with that threat from an over-protective behaviour from Harry. He can smell her too. He can smell Sydney’s strong perfume on the seat where he sits. This car is clearly much as Sydney’s as it is Harrys. Louis can envision Harry reaching over and grabbing her hands, intertwining their fingers until their palms are covered in sweat, must be nice Louis thinks.

“Fuck.”

Louis turns his head towards Harry to see what the issue is. “What’s wrong with you now?”

“Don’t you see the bloody traffic ahead of us? Our exit is closed, so we’re going to have to find a different way home.” Harry says, hitting the steering wheel twice with unnecessary force,“Fuck, why couldn’t Niall go to the pizza joint like normal people, instead of some fancy restaurant.”

Louis looks at him in disbelief, “Zayn is definitely worth more than a pizza date, pal.”

“That’s not the the fucking point.” Harry’s right hand motions between them, “I don’t want to sit in this car with you longer than necessary.”

“And you think I do? This isn’t no stroll in the park for me either.”

“You’re so annoying, I don’t -”

Louis shakes his head, choosing to ignore the rest of Harry’s words. Harry talks too much shit most of the time. Instead, he looks out the window focusing on the lightening in the sky. He loves when it rains, mostly when he’s at home reading a book and not trapped in a car with Harry Styles, but he’s trying to make the most of it. He’s never really observed lightning from this perspective. Sometimes, his life feels like a replica to the bursting scars marking up the sky.

The cars are moving slowly ahead of them, it’s bumper-to-bumper traffic. He’s starting to feel restless, since it feels like they’ve been stuck in the same spot for the past 5 hours, especially with this obnoxious red jeep being beside them the whole time. Traffic always makes his stomach feel tight and his head dizzy. Hopefully he won’t have to tell Harry to pull-over, he doesn’t want his dinner to go to waste.

Louis looks over at Harry to see him with a pointed expression, a deep wrinkle forming in the middle of his brows, and his lips drawing down into a frown. He sees how tense Harry is too. His shoulders rigged, one hand held tightly on the wheel, and the other draped in the middle. Louis feels that same tension too. The whole car is filled with frustration. To make matters worse, the only sound to be heard is coming from either Harry and Louis’ soft breathing. Louis keeps tapping his fingers against his thighs to keep himself calm. He feels like he’s about to have an anxiety attack from all the stress from tonight. Seeing Nick, Sydney, Harry, and school on top of everything is becoming so overwhelming. He needs a break, and wants to find comfort in his bed which is clearly not going to be seen for a while.

He’s trying to keep his eyes open, but he’s on the verge of falling asleep because of the lack of sleep he has gotten in the past few days. Final exams and papers are approaching soon, and he’s been skipping sleep to study, clearly that was not a wise choice with the way he’s feeling right about now. Going to that party yesterday also was not the smartest move. He should’ve stayed in and got some rest. He’ll just fight it and stay awake. Harry would leave him in here if he fell asleep because that’s the type of asshole he is.

He wishes Harry would say anything to lighten the mood and keep him awake. He also wishes their friendship was like before, when silence and awkward conversations never existed. How can he miss someone when they are right beside him? Harry always had a stupid stories to rattle on about, and Louis happily listened to all of them when no one else would. Those stories not only made Harry happy, but they also gave him great pride that Harry waited each day to tell him a new story. Even when their friendship was quickly diminishing, he still had a story to hear by the end of the day. Sydney probably hears those stories now. She is Harry’s person after all. Not like Louis could forget. He has tried. Louis turns to look outside the passenger window again, watching the broken white lines as they move slowly on the highway.

Harry’s in the middle of honking at drivers when Louis decides to bite the bullet and try to start a conversation.

“So, Harry. How have you been?” Louis frowns at his own question. Why did he ask that?

Harry glances over at him briefly. “We live in the same building, and have the same circle of friends. You know how I have been.”

“We do not have the same circle of friends. The only friends we have in common is Zayn and Niall, and even that is a stretch. And I don’t keep tabs on you, so no I don’t know how you’ve been.”

Harry chooses to ignore him this time.

Louis tries again, “Did you end up changing your major to music like you wanted to?”

Still nothing. Harry doesn’t budge from his position, still acting like Louis didn’t ask a question.

Louis sighs, “Okay, we don’t have to have to talk then...”

Harry seems to agree because he still doesn’t make a sound.

The traffic isn’t moving any faster, and from the looks of it, many major roads are closed because of the storm. He should be grateful he got a ride home, the weather keeps getting worse by the minute, and the roads are piling up. A tree or wire fell and it’s causing major delays. This traffic would have been a little more bearable if he was stuck with someone who actually wanted to talk to him. Or you know? Didn’t despise his existence. Louis looks down at his phone to see if he got any new messages, hoping he’ll find one from Nick, but there’s nothing.

It’s not that surprising though. People typically give up on him or forgot about him all together. If Louis had to describe himself in one word it would be unlovable. No one seems to care much about him. Yeah his family clearly loves him, and Zayn to an extent, but he wishes more people would actually put in an effort in to be his friend. Zayn is obviously his best friend, but Louis can’t even count the amount of times Zayn cancelled on him to hang out with Niall or his other friends. Maybe _he_ isn’t Zayn’s best friend.

Louis lets out a deep breathe, and closes his eyes, trying to not fall into one of his depressive states. He’s listening to the honking, Harry’s tapping against the steering wheel, and counting to 30 over and over again to not let himself get into that place. He does so until he hears Harry clear his throat.

Louis opens his eyes and finds Harry staring at him, with an emotion he can’t read. It resembles empathy and sadness, but it’s probably boredom because Harry doesn’t have an ounce of emotions to direct towards Louis other than anger.

Harry clears his throat again, “Are you okay?”

Louis raises an eyebrow at Harry.

“I know we’re not really friends, but I still know you and how your thoughts lead you away sometimes.” Harry says quietly, as if he doesn’t want Louis to hear what he is saying.

Louis’ eyes bulge out in surprise.

“I’m surprised you remember anything about me” Louis mumbled to himself, “I’m fine, don't worry about me.”

“I’m not worried about you.” Harry says, shaking his head at Louis’ ridiculous assumption, “but I still have an obligation from our mothers to make sure you’re okay, and you know, stable?”

Louis sits up straight in his seat, “What do you mean by stable?”

“Don’t make this into a bigger deal than it is.” Harry says nervously.

“I swear to God Harry!”

“I promised my mum to never say this to you, but you know? Like before you came to uni you had that whole breakdown right?”

A chill runs down Louis’ spine. He can’t believe his mum told Anne about that, and he can’t believe Anne had the nerve to tell Harry, when both of their families were well aware of their fallout.

Thankfully Louis never told his mum the full story because then Harry would actually know how he played a major role in Louis’ “stability” issues. It was a one time thing, and it wasn’t that serious in his opinion. He was just going through a lot with Nick leaving, Harry ignoring him, and overall feeling like he had no purpose. All of those thoughts led him to drink and mix pills that should never be mixed, and long story short it fucked up his life for a short period of time. He got help for his problem right before going to University, and he’s grateful that someone found him that night when he almost overdosed. He doesn’t know who found him, but apparently the doctors said it was a nice young man who did CPR on him and then brought him in right away. That person saved his life, and Louis was too embarrassed to ever find out who.

God, he can’t believe his mum had to tell the whole damn world. The worst part about knowing Harry knows, is that Harry still didn’t care to reach out at a time when Louis was in such a dark place. Even though they’re not friends anymore, Louis would help Harry in a heartbeat if he was in the position Louis had been in before. Louis’ head is pulsing with anger, his hands shaking from how hurt he is feeling right now.

He knows Harry notices because Harry starts playing with his bottom lip, rolling it between his fingers, a tactic he uses when he feels bad.

“It’s nothing to be embarrassed about or anything. Heck, I’ve gone through some mental issues too.” He says quickly to hide the fact he knows one of Louis’ personal secrets, “you’re okay though, right?”

“Yes, Harry. I’m fine.”

“I’m sorry for bringing it up. If it makes you feel any better my mum didn’t tell me any details.” Harry says, looking cautiously over at Louis.

“Please, stop talking.”

“Well, I’m still sorry”, the sincerity in Harry’s voice almost makes Louis believe him.

He’s not in the mood to talk anymore, and doesn’t continue after that.

Their about 20 minutes away from their apartment complex, after being delayed by 40 minutes. Harry found an exit and decided to take local roads, instead of bothering with the highway. Louis hears Harry singing under his breath to the Paramore song playing on the radio. He’s always had a beautiful voice. Louis gets so lost in Harry’s voice that he doesn’t realize he’s been staring at him this whole time until Harry groans.

“Would you stop looking at me,” his fingers tighten on the steering wheel, “you always do this weird fucking staring. Stop doing that.”

Oh look, the rude Harry he knows has returned.

“Well forgive me for looking at the only form of entertainment in this car. You can at least turn up the fucking radio, mate.” Louis bites back.

“Let’s get one thing straight. This is my car, and in my car I prefer to drive in silence, so stop acting like you’re in charge here. And second, we’re not mates”

“It was just a suggestion.” Louis says through clenched teeth.

“Whatever, just stop looking at me all the time.” Harry says almost gently, “It’s annoying and drives my head in.”

“Shut up, I hardly ever look at you and we hardly see each other.” Louis fold his arms, turning in his seat to face Harry, “so please tell me when I find the time to stare at you?” Louis teases, waiting for a response.

Harry says nothing, with a small smirk on his face.

Louis smiles victoriously, “Exactly.”

He turns to sit back in his seat properly, “You need to get over yourself and stop thinking you’re special.”

The atmosphere is beginning to feel more gentle between the two. Harry even has a small smile on his face, just like old times.

Harry laughs deeply, “I am special, you’re just mad that I don’t give a fuck about you.”

Yeah, that didn’t last long.

Louis gives up. “Honestly, what is your problem? You’re the one who offered to give me a ride.”

“You mean I was forced to offer you ride, don’t confuse the situation.”

Louis groans loudly. “I don’t know why I agreed to take this ride with you.”

“Maybe because you’re useless and never learned to drive in the first place. I don’t know why I’m always stuck putting up with you” Harry mumbled the last part, but Louis definitely heard what he said.

“You know what? Let me out of the fucking car now. I will walk Harry, I have no problem taking care of myself.”

“Trust me I know. It was one of the reasons we stopped talking.” Harry says obnoxiously, “While we’re on the topic, are you and Nick getting back together?”

He can’t be serious right now. “Please, tell me how that is any of your fucking business?”

Harry smirks, “I’m curious to know if Nick is still an idiot.”

“Well I guess he’s the smartest person you know”, Louis says, looking down sadly.

Count on Harry to make him feel even more heartbroken tonight. He’s waiting to hear Harry’s condescending laugh in response, but instead he just scoffs and shakes his head in disbelief.

Louis squints his eyes at him, “What?”

Harry ignores him.

“I’m honestly so sick of this Harry.” Louis voice cracks, “Say what you were going to say and stop being a coward. Tell me that I’m a fucking idiot for thinking Nick would ever want to be with _someone like me_.”

Harry takes his eyes off the road for a quick second to look at Louis with a disbelieving look. He shakes his head amusedly, and turns back to face the road.

“Goddamnit Harry, just say it!”

“I was going to say that Nick is an idiot regardless for getting with you in the first place when he knew you guys were not in the same league.” He says nonchalantly.

He knows Harry is an ass, but he wasn’t expecting that. Tears rise to Louis’ eyes. He tips his head back to stop them from falling because he refuses to let them fall in the presence of Harry.

“Are you going to say anything? I thought we were having fun talking?”

“Fuck you, Harry.” Louis voice quivers, “Just. _Fuck you_ ”

Harry sighs deeply. “I meant _you’re_ out of his league Louis, not the other way around.”

Yeah right.

“You don’t have to lie, Harry,” Louis says, accepting the truth. “I understand. Don’t sugar coat anything for me.”

“I am telling you the truth. Nick was an idiot for leaving you years ago, and he’s an idiot now for making you think so little of yourself.” Harry says, and sounding very angry. “He was never good for you, especially if he’s the type of person to go after someone his friend was in -” Harry stops abruptly, his face showing that he has said too much.

Louis looks at him patiently, waiting for him to continue. Tonight has been full of surprises, so what’s one more?

“Nevermind.”

“No tell me.”

“I don’t have to tell you shit Louis, we’re not friends.” Here we go again.

“Ugh, just forget it then. Are we almost home?"

“In the next ten minutes, hopefully.”

Louis nods his head, and turns back to his phone to check what is on his schedule for tomorrow. He has to study for his history quiz on Wednesday, prepare his thesis for his upcoming research paper, and skype Lottie at 3pm, he puts that in bold to not forget this time. Lottie was very angry last time. He wonders if she is still close with Gemma, they were close in high school before Gemma left for school. He would ask Harry, but tonight has already felt like a whirlwind of emotions, especially after Harry’s comment about Nick. Maybe Harry still has a soft spot for him deep down. _Deep, deep down_.

They arrive at their apartment quicker than Louis thought they would. Harry pulls up to the front of the building, instead of parking underground. Louis’ grateful for this action because now he doesn’t have to walk in the rain.

“Thanks, Harry.” Louis says, unbuckling his seatbelt. “This has been an interesting night. Goodnight?” he says, unsurely.

Harry nods. “Goodnight, _little one_.” He says in a baby voice.

“You’re so annoying.” Louis groans.

Harry laughs. “Yeah, yeah, yeah. Get out of my car.”

Louis quickly leaves the car, and he makes sure that he doesn’t slam the door on his way out. He makes his way upstairs to his flat, and his body feels more calm compared to the exhaustion he felt previously from all the stress he had to endure in the last the past hours. He takes of his shoes, and throws his jacket on the sofa before making it to his bedroom. He starts to feel stress again when he notices the state of his flat, he forgot that he didn’t get around to cleaning up because of how long it took to get dressed. Even worse, his bed is a disaster from getting dressed earlier. A pile of clothes sits in the middle of the mattress, but he’s way too tired to even think about putting away those clothes or even changing. He pushes the clothes to left side of the bed, and gets in on the other side. Louis falls asleep the second his head hits his pillow, with a small smile on his face, because today was progress.

* * *

 Sunday was not as eventful as Friday and Saturday, but the difference is he got most of his school work completed. His home is in a much cleaner state with all dishes washed, his clothes sorted and organized, and he even found time to finish his novel for his english class. He’s quite proud of himself. He also spent the evening skyping Lottie who yelled at him most of the time rather than talking to him, but all-in-all a good Sunday.

Louis’ about to warm up last-night’s leftovers when he hears a knock on his door. It’s probably Zayn. Louis was not expecting him to come over, especially with all the “love-making” him and Niall are doing, according to the lengthy and gross message Zayn sent him this morning. Louis’ only wearing a ratty pair of pajama pants, since he took off his shirt when he was cleaning, and didn’t care to put another one back on. Zayn’s seen him in worse, so this isn’t that big of a deal.

Louis opens the door, and then slams it shut immediately after seeing who is standing at his door. He can never catch a break.

“Idiot.” Louis hears Harry say outside of the door.

Louis opens the door and sticks his head out, hiding his body, “What do you want?” He hisses.

Harry rolls his eyes, “Are you going to let me in or not?”

“Why?”

Harry pushes the door, growing tired of Louis’ antics, and walks inside of Louis’ apartment, as if he owns the place. Thank god he cleaned his apartment earlier or Harry would have walked into one of the messiest places in the world.

“I like what you’ve done with the place.” Harry says, sarcastically. Looking at Louis’ textbooks that are scattered all over the coffee table and sofa.

“What. Do. You. Want.?” Louis says, with his hands on his waist.

Harry turns to Louis, freezing when he sees Louis’ chest on full display. Louis grows self-conscious of himself from watching Harry stare at his upper-body. He knows he doesn’t have a 6-pack like Harry, but his little tummy isn’t that bad? Is it? He should go grab a shirt to end this humiliation.

“I’ll be right back.” Louis says, quickly walking to his room. He grabs the first shirt that touches his hand in the drawer, and pulls it over himself. The shirt is baggy for his small frame, but it’s comfortable. He’s not trying to impress Harry. He wants him to leave and not come back. Last night was a reminder that he should forget about him and move forward with his life. Regardless of their little nice act in the car.

Louis walks back to the living room seeing Harry texting on the sofa. Most likely Sydney. He sure knows how to make himself at home. He looks angry, judging from the wrinkle lines forming on his forehead, and his fingers moving quickly on his phone. His pout grows deeper, every second that Louis’ staring at him.

Louis clears his throat, and Harry looks up at him startled. Harry puts his phone down on the sofa beside him, and looks at Louis curiously.

Louis raises an eyebrow, “Are you going to tell me why you’re here now?”

“I’m here to pick you up? Didn’t Zayn tell you the gang is hanging out tonight.”

Louis looks at Harry with a puzzled expression. “When have I ever been considered part of your guys gang? Did you guys forget that i’m the loser of the group? You guys never invite me to anything. Last night was the first time I really hung out with you guys in a while.”

Harry looks at Louis with a guilty expression.

“Yeah, about that…you’re always invited to hang out with us. I just lie and tell them I asked and that you’ve said no. I know Niall has asked Zayn about it multiple times, but Zayn just assumes because you hate me that you’d rather hang out with him alone than in a big group.”

What the fuck. He doesn’t know if he should be happy that they weren’t leaving him out because for years he has felt like a fourth wheel when Zayn would drag him to parties or dinner dates. He’s truly surprised that they do consider him one of their friends. He feels so happy and relieved when he should be focus on how upset he is at Harry for being an arsehole.

“You are the absolute worst, you know that right? Who does shit like that?” Louis says, and walks over to sit beside harry on his sofa.

Harry gives him in a knowing look, “You would’ve said no anyways, so who cares.”

Louis can’t deny that. He would have said no, but that doesn’t give Harry the right to pass on messages for Louis when he never heard the message in the first place.

Louis folds his arms over his chest. “Why the change of heart now?”

Harry looks back and forth, clearly trying to come up with a good response. “I don’t know.” is all he says.

It’s almost 8:30 pm, and Louis’ not in the mood to go out tonight, especially with him having class so early in the morning.

“Thanks for the invite, but I’m going to stay in tonight and relax with my food.” Louis says to Harry.

He then gets up off the sofa, and makes his way in the kitchen to start the microwave. He hears Harry get up off the sofa. He can let himself out, Louis thinks, as he watches the numbers count down for his food.

Louis can see a shadow in the corner of his eye, and he lets out a scream when he sees Harry standing at the entrance of the kitchen. Louis assumed he left already.

Harry’s laughing loudly at his reaction.

“Aren’t you leaving?” Louis asks, breathing heavily with his hand over his chest. Harry scared the shit out of him.

Harry just shrugs. “Depends on what food you’re making.”

Louis looks at him confused, “It’s just my leftovers from last night. Are y-” the ding from the microwave stops his sentence. He retrieves his food out of the microwave and makes his way back to the living room and sits on the sofa. Harry walks closely behind him and then stand at the edge of the sofa looking at Louis.

Louis looks over his shoulder towards Harry, “You’re welcome to stay if you want?” He knows Harry’s not going to stay, but he can pretend for a second that he will.

“Okay.” Harry says. Louis freezes and is surprised by Harry's answer to the point he drops his fork on the plate loudly, making a ringing sound chime throughout his whole apartment.

“What?” Louis says, eyes wide. This weekend has been a rollercoaster of surprises, and now Harry wants to stay? This can’t be right.

“You heard me, I’ll stay.” Harry says, with humour in his tone. He sits down next to Louis and grabs the remote off his textbook.

“What are we watching?” Harry says, as he flicks through the channels quickly.

“Anything you want to watch is fine.” Louis says quietly, while rolling around the rice in his place.

“Alright, let’s watch porn.”

Louis laughs, shaking his head and turning to look at him “anything but that.”

Harry smiles warmly at him, and opens his mouth to say something but then stops. He frowns and then faces back to the TV. Louis would ask him what’s wrong but that’s not his territory anymore and he doesn’t want to end this night before it has even started.

“You wanna watch moonlight?”

“Okay, I’ve never seen it before. Is it any good?” Louis asks.

“I think so…” Harry says, and doesn’t offer anything more on the subject.

Louis feels selfish to be the only one eating, and thinks what he has in his kitchen.

“Do you want something to eat or drink? I’ve got water, juice, tea. I also have biscuits, but I remember that you hate them. We can order pizza? You still like pizza right? Zayn told me you’re a health nut now, so maybe we can get pizza with spinach or some shit right?” Louis out of breath from how fast he was talking. He’s just doesn’t want him to leave or change his mind at this point. It has been years since he has got the opportunity to spend alone time with Harry.

Harry laughs, a genuine laugh with his eyes sparkling, and his dimples full on display. “Give me whatever is the easiest.”

Okay, Louis can do that. He walks into the kitchen and sets on the kettle to make Harry a cup of tea, and then makes his way to the fridge to look for items to make a sandwich. He only has cheese, so grilled cheese is the only option. He sets on a frying pan, and then peers into the living room to check on Harry. Harry’s back on his phone now, texting away with the same angry expression he saw earlier. Maybe him and Sydney are in a fight? He hopes not. He may be in love with Harry, but he still wants Harry happy and that doesn’t seem possible without Sydney in his life. He walks back over to the stove and puts a spoon of butter in the pan, followed by the cold cheese sandwich. He turns it three times to make sure it’s extra gooey, and sets it aside with chips on the side.

The kettle then whistles, and he makes Harry a cup of hot chocolate because although Louis likes tea, he remember Harry despises it. He wish he had whipped cream or something to make it look fancy but it just looks like plain old hot chocolate in a big mug. Louis sighs to himself, and thens grabs Harry food to bring it to him. As he’s walking back to the sofa he can hear Harry cursing to himself.

“Hey, I brought you a sandwich and hot chocolate. Hope that’s okay?”

“Yeah, it is.” Harry says, sounding so tired and grateful, “Thanks.”

Louis nods, sitting back beside him, and leaving a large space between the two of them. Louis picks up his plate of food, and presses play for the movie to begin. They eat quietly and watch the movie playing on the screen. This film evokes emotions in Louis that he hasn’t felt since he was younger, coming out was so hard. Louis wonders if Harry knew how brave he was for telling him all those years ago. He sneaks a glance beside to see if Harry is watching the movie, but finds Harry’s eyes on him instead. Harry then coughs and turns back to the screen, while Louis blushed furiously from having Harry’s on him.

“Are you enjoying the movie?” Louis hears Harry asks.

Louis nods, “Yeah, it’s really good.”

Harry smiles, “I’m glad you like it.”

Louis smiles back at him and wishes this moment can last forever. He knows Harry is going to revert back into his old self soon, so Louis wants to enjoy this while it lasts. He moves a little closer on the sofa, his arm almost brushing Harry’s, and his kneecap bumping against his.

“Sorry.” Louis says, but Harry doesn’t respond rather he moves closer for their arms and legs to be lined up right next to each other. They focus back on the movie after that, and by the end Louis has tears in his eyes and is sniffling. Harry observes Louis but doesn’t say anything. Louis notices it’s almost 11, and wonders if he should say goodnight or offer more hot chocolate to Harry.

“Wou-”

“Can I-”

They both laugh at the fact that they both spoke at the same time. “I was going to ask if you want more hot chocolate.” Louis says, shyly.

“Yeah, sure. I’ll help this time.” Harry says, stretching as he gets off the sofa. His t-shirt rides up a little bit and Louis has to stop himself from staring too hard at the skin on display.

“Yeah, Okay.” Louis says, sounding a little strained and making his way into the kitchen.

The work quietly beside each other, with Louis taking out the cups and Harry pouring the hot water into the two mugs on the counter. Louis’ about to ask if wants any biscuits, when he sees Harry staring at something on the refrigerator.

Oh. shit.

Louis forgot he had a picture of him and Nick there, more specifically a picture that was taken the same night Harry found out. Louis hated the memories that came along with that photo, but it honestly was the only good picture Louis had of them together that wasn’t explicit or too silly. It was a rather intimate photo with Nick staring lovingly at Louis, while Louis had his head buried in Nick’s chest. It’s evident that his ears are red in the photo, an indicator of how much he was blushing that night. It’s a sweet photo, and Louis couldn’t get rid of it, so he put it on the fridge as a memory of his high school sweetheart.

Louis sees how Harry’s stance begins to change, and his eyes harden when they look back at Louis.

“You really loved him, didn’t you?” Harry says calmly, but with an accusing tone.

“It was complicated.” Louis says because honestly that's what their relationship was. Complicated. Louis cared so _so_ much about Nick, but deep down he knew if Harry ever confessed some form of feelings towards him he would have left Nick. Towards the end of his relationship with Nick, that’s when he started to fall in love and get past Harry, but Nick moved away before it could develop any further. As a result, he went back to pining over Harry with Nick not being there to distract him anymore. It feels wrong saying that now, but there was never an equal competition between Harry and Nick. And Louis understands now knows Nick knew that too. He still wishes things were different between them.

“Of course,  _Complicated_." Harry scoffs, and shakes his head. "I’m actually going to head out now.”

Harry already is walking back to the front door, and Louis is close behind him. “What? Why? Your drink is ready.” Louis says, hoping his pleading tone will make Harry stay a little longer.

Harry looks at him now differently than he did the whole night, as if Louis is a stranger. He opens and closes his mouth, and then his phone goes off. Harry takes his phone out of his pocket reading quickly and then putting his phone back in his pocket. “I need to meet up with Sydney, and frankly there is only so much faking I can do for one night.”

Louis stomach drops, “What does that mean?”

“You can’t possibly think I was spending time with you because I genuinely wanted to?” Harry says, as if it the most obvious thing in the world.

“But-” Louis says, but is cut off by Harry.

“Louis, we’re not friends or anything anymore. I just came over to check on you because I felt bad about bringing up your personal shit last night. Sydney told me I should be a little nicer to you, especially with the way I’ve been treating you this past weekend.”

Louis laughs bitterly and sadly at the same time because honestly fuck Harry.

“I’m sorry if you thought differently. I would’ve left a long time ago, but Sydney kept texting me to stay.” Harry says, with boredom written all over his features.

“Oh.” Louis says, feeling like an idiot for thinking things could go back to how they used to be. He also feels like an idiot for thinking Sydney and Harry were in a fight when Harry just wanted to leave and spend time with his girlfriend.

Harry stands there staring at Louis with an emotion that he can’t figure out. He looks guilty and sad, but his words from before contradict every emotion written on his face.

“Well I’ll see you around Louis.” He eventually says after a while, “I’ll make sure to get those invites to you from now on.”

Louis nods, and watches Harry walk out the front door. His chest feels like it’s been ripped open and that no matter what he does or says Harry will never be his friend or anything to him. He needs to let Harry go, and should’ve known from the start that Harry doesn’t give a shit about him. Sydney is the only reason Harry puts up with Louis, and it’s clearer than ever now that Harry will never love Louis the way he desperately wants and needs him too. Neither as a friend or something more. Louis stays and stares at the door a little longer than usual, hoping that his glare will bring Harry back to apologize and enjoy the rest of the night. It doesn’t.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading xx 
> 
> I will try to update soon, but no promises. I also edited chapter 1&2\. Nothing major, but some changes.
> 
> I was also hoping for this fic to be very long, but now I think I will have to make it shorter than I wanted. I'm aiming for about 2 more chapters and roughly 40k. 
> 
> Thanks again for reading and for the comments <3


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